


Come In From The Cold

by coldfusion9797



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Bucky Barnes & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Hook-Up, Love/Hate, Melodrama, Multi, Nightmares, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Civil War (Marvel), Prompt Fic, Reunions, SO MUCH FLUFF, ScarletWidow, Schmoop, Science Bros, Soap Opera, Thundershield - Freeform, WinterFalcon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2018-09-24 20:40:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9785240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldfusion9797/pseuds/coldfusion9797
Summary: After finding out that Steve's moved on, Bucky can't seem to find a reason to care. At least that is until Steve breaks his friends out of prison, then he's got Sam Wilson to deal with and suddenly apathy doesn't seem like such a bad option. Winterfalcon. Thundershield. Scarletwidow. Science Bros.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Basched](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basched/gifts).



> So contrary to initial appearances, this is primarily a Winterfalcon fic. I had a request for this ship, also for Scarletwidow and Science Bros, and I myself am partial to a little Thundershield so I figured I might as well combine them all into one story. So yeah, it's gonna take us a little while to get there, but Bucky and Sam will find each other in the end. Also, slight canon divergence in that Bucky didn't go back into cryostatis. Enjoy!

It was hard to swallow, but he couldn't exactly blame Steve. Could he? Yes, once upon a time, decades ago, they had been in love but the war had come and they weren't the only people to make sacrifices for the greater good.

How many girls had waved their sweethearts off only to receive a telegram in return? How many soldiers had opened a letter from home to read the news that their girl had moved on?

At least they'd had each other on the front and now a chance to be back in each other's lives again. Bucky supposed he should be grateful for that much, so many others weren't as lucky.

He still loved Steve, would always love him, and maybe that's why he wouldn't fight the fact that Steve had moved on. Didn't he deserve to be happy? Even if he'd found that happiness with someone else.

"It's a lot to take in, I know," said Steve, voice quiet and full of sympathy.

"It's okay," Bucky replied, doing his best to put on a smile despite the fact that this was breaking his heart. It wasn't what he'd wanted to hear but deep, deep down he'd known, that they would never be together like that again, not after everything he'd done. He was too damaged, too spoilt. People like him, people who'd done such terrible things, didn't get happy endings. Still, a tiny piece of him had thought he and Steve might be strong enough to overcome even that.

The look he received in return was one of pity and he realised he mustn't have done much of a job with the smile. He sighed. "I just want you to be happy."

The smile Steve gave him in return was as unconvincing as his own, but Bucky let it go. Steve was caught between a rock and a hard place here. If he admitted he was happy it was like he'd found something Bucky'd been unable to give him, when once they'd promised each other everything. If he said he wasn't, it made him a liar. But they were still best friends and that's what shone through in the end, Steve was going to do whatever he could to make this as easy on Bucky as he could.

"You know," Steve began, smile brightening a little, becoming something more genuine. "I was attracted to him in the first place because he reminded me of you."

It was a strange thing to say, though Steve's intention to cheer him up almost worked, Bucky did feel a little better, mainly because the statement was so unbelievable, which meant Steve was willing to try anything to ease the pain for him, proving once again how much he still cared.

"I'm not sure I see the resemblance."

"I never told anyone this, not even him, but... well you remember before the war? How we were then? I missed that. I missed being the smaller one, having someone bigger than me and stronger than me, someone that could take care of me. And then along came this guy that I couldn't match. After so long of being the strong one, the one people looked up to, the one everyone expected to make things better, he could take some of that away. And when he held me, just for a little while, I was back in Brooklyn with you."

A pang of regret shot through Bucky, he missed what they'd had too. Life was so unfair. There'd been times when he'd been on the run that he'd have given anything to turn back time and be back in Brooklyn, watching Steve freak out about finishing some assignment on time, or huddling for warmth with him in the back of a freezer truck because they'd spent all their train money on hotdogs. Those were the kind of problems he longed to have but they couldn't relive the past, and the wistful look Steve got on his face when he spoke about his new lover, well Bucky would never do anything to take that away from him.

"Yeah," Bucky agreed, "probably best you keep that to yourself."

"I'm well aware of how to handle his ego, and our relationship is more than that now, but I wanted you to know. Not for a second, did I ever forget you."

It helped to know that Steve still felt the weight of their bond. It didn't change things though, Steve belonged to someone else now and Bucky was struggling to see a future for himself.

"So what now?" he wondered.

"That's up to you. You're free now Buck, anything's possible. And whatever you wanna do, I'm gonna be right there beside you."

"Thanks Stevie."

Now if only he had the slightest clue what that was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Bucky isn't this much of a pushover. This would be known as the calm before the storm... Thanks for reading :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all about the Thundershield fluff...

The conversation he'd just had with Bucky was up there in the top two most difficult he'd ever had. Seeing the realisation in his eyes that they were over, and maybe even worse was the quiet acceptance, because he thought that this was what he deserved. It wasn't true and Steve hated that he couldn't give Bucky what he needed to understand that.

He headed outside where the clouds were gathering, to calm himself down.

When he was a kid he hadn't been a big fan of thunderstorms, they were just something to be endured. Now however, he loved them. And Wakanda had lots of them. More often than not they were dry, and he would stand outside, watching in awe as the sky darkened and the steely clouds lit up with brilliant streaks of jagged lightening, and revelling in the power of the thunderclaps that followed. The feeling of insignificance was a liberating one, there was nothing even he could do in the face of such raw power. It was at times like this that he felt most alive and simultaneously at peace. The feeling wasn't a coincidence.

This particular storm felt more charged than usual and he wondered if he was just projecting that because of how much he missed Thor right now, but as the lightning strikes grew closer, his heartbeat quickened with anticipation, until one struck only yards away. There was a deafening crack, and for a moment the world disappeared behind a veil of blinding white light, but a second later everything was clear again and Thor was standing right in front of him. Steve had never been so glad to see him.

The Asgardian was dressed in civilian clothes and a million things raced through Steve's head. This obviously wasn't his first stop. How long had he been back on Earth? Why had he returned? Did it matter? No. The only thing that mattered right now, was that he was close.

Suddenly Thor was striding towards him, arms wide, and then Steve was wrapped up tight in his strong embrace.

"My darling..." Thor said, stroking his hair, and sheltering him from the cruelty of the outside world. Steve felt safe with him. They stood silently for a while, Steve doing nothing but taking comfort in being held. Eventually it was Thor who broke the silence.

"Forgive me, sweetheart. Had I known, I would have come to your aid."

Steve didn't blame him, Thor wasn't human, the Accords and everything with Tony had been Steve's battles to fight. He didn't need someone to fight for him, he could do that himself, what he needed was someone who could be there after the tough calls had been made. Someone who understood the burden of responsibility.

"You're here now."

"Yes," Thor said, tightening his grip. Steve loved how protected that made him feel. Like in the circle of Thor's arms nothing could touch him.

"You found your friend," Thor said, in an attempt to cheer him up but Bucky was a sore point at the moment.

Steve nodded against Thor's broad chest.

"I had to tell him about us," he admitted. Beneath his palm, he felt Thor tense.

"This pains you..." Thor observed, voice carefully measured. Thor was aware of his past with Bucky but they'd never discussed it in detail.

"It wasn't what he wanted to hear. I think he thought we might still..."

He could feel Thor's breaths becoming slower and more deliberate. It meant he was working to keep himself calm.

"And what did you believe would come of the reunion?"

This was the part where he had to reassure Thor of his feelings, and if his recent encounter with Tony had taught him anything, it was the power of the truth.

"I wanted to save my best friend. To give him everything he needs but I can't. Not when I love you."

Thor pulled back and looked into his eyes, Steve could see the question forming in them. A painful and selfless one. One he thought he had to ask.

"Would you have me step aside?"

"No. No that's the last thing I want. He'll be okay. I'm still here for him, he knows that, but that part of our connection is gone."

"Was taken from you..." Thor reminded.

What could Steve say? It was true he'd never have left Bucky willingly, but to say that he would change how things had turned out wasn't exactly right either because Thor was in his life now. The truth lie in between somewhere, he couldn't change the past, and he was grateful he'd found Thor, but to put that into words would sound too much like he was just settling. And he wasn't, he was with Thor by choice, because he loved him.

"I'm with you now, and I don't plan on having that change anytime soon."

Steve had always been better with actions than words, so he kissed Thor, slow and deep and unmistakably committed.

As Thor's confidence in the strength of their love grew, the kiss became electric, and Thor responded eagerly, tilting Steve's head back and delving his tongue deep into Steve's mouth. They'd been apart too long. This was the end of the first long period they'd spent apart since they'd been together as a couple and they needed each other.

"Mmm," Steve appreciated, "you're good at this."

Thor smiled at him, stroking a thumb over his cheek.

"Worthy inspiration is the key. And you, my love, are sublime."

Steve smiled at the compliment, and for a while they just gazed at each other, happy to be back together again.

Eventually Steve's thoughts wandered to the reason for their separation.

"How are things on Asgard?"

The look in Thor's eyes darkened.

"Complicated, I'm afraid."

"How so?" Steve asked.

"Father is missing. It is why I'm back on Earth. I needed permission to search for him in New York."

"Permission? The Accords don't restrict you from travelling here, you're free to come and go as you please."

"I am, yes. My brother however, is not. Loki it turns out was not as dead as I had thought."

"Loki's alive?"

Steve's mind flashed back to the destruction in New York. To him, Loki would always be a threat to be regarded with caution, one to be neutralised if necessary, but he knew the situation was much more complicated for Thor.

"He'd been posing as my father, ruling Asgard in his stead. His audacity knows no bounds. Nor his delusions of grandeur it seems."

Steve knew this information had serious repercussions for Asgard but they didn't concern him like the personal ones for Thor did. He reached up and rested a hand on the Asgardian's face, waiting until Thor's eyes connected with his before he spoke.

"And how are you?"

Thor looked uncertain for the first time. His relationship with his brother was a turbulent and complex one to put it mildly.

"When I mourned him it was as a hero. Now I have learned that he was just as deceitful as ever. He cares for nothing and no one but himself."

Even after everything it was Loki's hurtful dismissal of their brotherhood that affected Thor the most.

"But you still love him," Steve observed, letting Thor know he didn't have to pretend that only duty mattered. Steve too, understood that emotions played a huge part in reacting to a situation, regardless of how much in opposition with the cause they were. He'd have killed Bucky in Romania if he didn't understand that.

"No matter what he does, I find I still live in hope that one day he will change."

Steve knew the inadequacy Thor felt but he also knew there was nothing more Thor could've done. Loki had made his own choices.

"Well that's up to him."

"I fear you are right."

With nothing left to say on the matter, Thor turned his gaze towards the forest.

"It is beautiful here."

"It is," Steve agreed. "How long can you stay?"

Thor looked down at him, warmth filling his cerulean eyes once more.

"I think perhaps I can spare the night."

Knowing that he had the Asgardian for the next twelve hours, Steve let himself relax a fraction, and say the thing he felt most keenly.

"I've missed you, Thor."

"And I you, my love. Let us not waste a moment."

"My rooms this way," Steve said, taking Thor by the hand and leading him there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I watch too much Bold and the Beautiful... Thanks for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this story is a little bit crack, because I'm incapable of writing anything else. And okay, I admit it, this chapter is also mostly about the Thundershield fluff. It's chronic...

Thor woke later than he usually would but it was still early. Draped partially across him was Steve, as lovely as ever with the early morning light playing over his skin, giving him an ethereal glow. The effect was fitting. Thor tightened his grip on the Midgardian, knowing that he would have to return to Asgard very soon and wanting to make the most of every remaining moment that he could. Not that they hadn't for long hours already. He smiled at the memory.

Thor had never felt this way about anyone before. When all the realms felt like they were darkening, when hope was fading and grief threatened to overwhelm him, there was Steve, lighting the way and reminding him that not all was lost. That there was a fight worth fighting and someone to believe in. A reason for it all.

When Steve stirred and pressed a sleepy kiss to his chest, Thor was forced to concede that the night had ended. Steve blinked awake and gazed up at him, delightfully undone with a soft smile pulling at his lips.

"You are so beautiful," Thor appreciated. Steve glanced down, unnecessarily modest about the compliment, then looked back up at him through long lashes.

"We've still got a little while, right?"

"Yes," Thor agreed, gliding his hand down Steve's side, and over the swell of his behind.

No more encouragement was needed, Steve slid a leg over him and leaned down, using his mouth to caress Thor's skin, paying attention to his collarbone, his throat, then his lips. Until last night, Thor had been starved of the man for far too long, and he was quickly ready to make love to him again.

His hands found Steve's hips, helping guide him down, until Thor's manhood was sheathed inside him. Steve began a steady rhythm, moving up and down, a vision of loveliness above him. On his face Thor could see the unrestrained pleasure. Steve was such a free lover, there was nothing he wouldn't do, no part of himself he wouldn't give. Thor valued that openness, the knowledge that Steve felt comfortable enough in his presence to show every part of himself and to embrace his desires so completely.

Yet as beautiful as the sight was and as incredible as being inside him felt, Thor needed them to be closer, needed to feel every part of this person he loved so completely, before it was time to let go again. He rose up to meet Steve's body with his own, wrapping him up, forcing them together, hands gripping Steve's ass, while Steve clutched at his back, binding them as close together as physically possible, yet they both wanted to be closer still. Their mouths collided, completing a union in which they melded together as one. The day couldn't have had a more perfect beginning.

\---

What the hell was taking Steve so long? Bucky wondered as he walked purposefully along the hallway of the share house. They were supposed to be meeting with the doctor and scientists this morning to start looking at a new arm for him. Sure, they'd arranged the appointment before last nights... whatever you wanted to call it. He'd had the night to think it over and decided Steve couldn't be serious, he couldn't really be in love with an alien. It didn't make any sense. He must've just been lonely, but he didn't have to be lonely anymore.

Anyway, Steve had said he'd be right there beside him, so Bucky was carrying on with their plan.

As usual, Bucky didn't bother knocking before he swung Steve's bedroom door open. In hindsight, he really wished he had.

The sight that met his eyes was the last thing he'd ever wanted to see; Steve being fucked by another guy.

"Oh Jesus," he swore before slamming to door shut again. What the fuck? Wasn't Steve's boyfriend supposed to be on another planet or something? Who the hell was that guy?

Bucky suddenly felt sick and wildly out of control. He and Steve had been each other's firsts. He'd thought they would be each other's onlys. Seeing the reality of their ruined relationship hurt like hell.

He took off, wanting to get as far away as possible, but then he heard Steve frantically calling after him.

"Bucky! Bucky, wait!" He stopped because he'd never been able to ignore a request from Steve, and against his better judgement he turned to find Steve standing there, naked from the waist up, looking and smelling like sex, shoving the fact that he'd found someone better right in Bucky's face.

"I'm sorry," Steve apologised.

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" Bucky snapped.

"I do. That was him."

"Isn't he supposed to be on another planet?"

"He has some business here," Steve answered, somehow managing to remain infuriatingly calm.

"That's what you call it."

"Not with me. He just stopped in to see how I was doing."

"Looks like you're doing just fine."

Steve winced. Damn him and those pretty eyes of his. Even now Bucky sort of wanted to comfort him because he looked so torn over all his. And who was to blame? Bucky had no idea anymore. All he knew was that nothing had turned out the way he had hoped. "I thought..."

Steve sighed, because he understood.

"You thought you'd be the only one. Back then, I believed that too."

Apparently they were on the same page, so Bucky was struggling to understand Steve's actions.

"So how can you..."

Steve fixed him with a look that said he didn't want to answer this question because he knew the answer was only going to hurt Bucky, but the answer was obvious, so Bucky answered for him.

"You really love him..."

"Very much," Steve agreed, and they'd almost reached some kind of understanding when Steve went ahead and said something really stupid. "I'd like you to meet him."

Right now, Bucky couldn't think of anything he'd rather do less.

"Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen."

"Please? You're both important to me. It'd be good if you could get along."

And for the first time in his life Bucky denied Steve. Mainly because Steve was being so unbelievably selfish. How could he expect Bucky to be okay with this in any way? It was crushing him, and if that didn't make Steve stop and think then Bucky decided that he could be selfish too.

"Christ Steve, I can't be the perfect person you want me to be. I can't play nice with some guy I just saw fucking you! I think it'll be better if we keep our distance for a while."

"No Buck," Steve pleaded, "that's the last thing I want."

"And what about what I want?"

Steve had no satisfactory answer to give, so he remained silent. And it was in that moment that Bucky felt something break. Some invisible tie between them that he'd thought was indestructible had let go. They'd spent their entire lives doing things for each other, but Steve wasn't willing to make that compromise anymore. And without that connection, Bucky was set adrift.

"Exactly," Bucky said, now just wanting to put this whole conversation behind him.

"What about the appointment?" Steve asked. Oh so now he'd decided to remember.

"Forget it. I'll sort it out. Go back to your boyfriend, Steve." And with nothing left to say, Bucky turned and walked away.

\---

"I assume that did not go well," Thor ventured.

"You assume right," Steve sighed, flopping down on the bed next to the Asgardian who immediately wrapped an arm around him and pulled him closer. It was a comfort. Steve instantly felt calmer, more clear-headed. He supposed somewhere along the line he'd be embarrassed about this but right now it just made him feel bad for Bucky.

Thor pressed a kiss to his shoulder, his beard sending a pleasant tingle over Steve's skin.

"What will you do now?"

"I don't think there's anything I can do as far as Bucky's concerned. He needs time and I need to focus on the others, breaking them out of the Raft."

"That at least is something I can help you with."

"No," Steve stated. Thor gave him a puzzled frown. Steve didn't mean for it to sound so harsh. He rolled onto his side to face Thor, looking into his eyes and softening the response. "As much as I'd like that, you can't be seen there. We still need some Avengers on the right side of the law."

"You will need someone," Thor insisted.

"I'll call Nat. She helped Bucky and I out before, and she's probably already planning on getting Wanda and Clint out. I don't know if you heard about that, but Nat and Wanda are together now."

"Really? A force to be reckoned with I imagine."

"I'll say," Steve agreed, thinking about the devious ways they ganged up on him in training. "Having them on side is definitely a good thing."

"When will you do it?"

"As soon as possible. Whenever Nat's ready."

Thor reached up and rested a hand on his face.

"I really do wish I was going with you."

"I know, me too, but you can't. Besides, you've got your own problems to deal with."

"Yes," Thor agreed, his mood darkening when he thought of his errant little brother. Steve wished there was something he could do.

"I'm not sure how useful I'd be in New York now I'm wanted, but let me know if I can help."

Thor closed the space between them and pressed a firm kiss to Steve's lips.

"You already have, my love. More than you can ever know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for the next chapter of 'Avengers: The Soap Opera', when we'll catch up with Wanda and Nat. Thanks for reading :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a bit of ScarletWidow. Enjoy :)

Wanda was in hell. Locked up once again. Bound in a straitjacket. No brother by her side. _Pietro..._ No mentor to guide her. _Steve..._ No girlfriend to soothe her. _Natasha..._

She felt claustrophobic and wanted to scream, but she had to be patient. Losing a grip on herself would not help. Nat would come for her. No matter the sides they'd chosen, Natasha still loved her. When she heard about this, she would come. Wanda had faith in that.

In so many ways, she and Natasha were the same. They'd both done terrible things, but they were strong, they were fighters, and they'd seen the error of their ways. Both of them had worked hard to make up for those mistakes. Neither of them were free of the guilt yet, but having someone to share the burden made it much more bearable to carry. The only big difference between them was that Wanda was enhanced and Natasha was not. It had put them on opposite sides of the fight.

She still thought of herself as human but she knew many others did not. The collar she wore was proof of that. It was to inhibit her powers and keep her tame. The wardens had isolated her because they feared what she might do, but in truth Wanda was the frightened one, she'd never been alone before. She had always had Pietro, and since his death she'd been surrounded by people who'd supported and cared for her. One in particular.

Her powers might be off tap but she still had her memories and she cast her mind back to the last good time she could remember, the night before they'd gone to Lagos. The night before she'd killed all those innocent people and everything had begun to unravel. Of course they hadn't known everything was about to change, and maybe that's what she cherished most about the memory. That they'd been so content for no other reason than that's how they were together. Being with Natasha just felt so good and true. That night they'd been hanging out in Wanda's room because it felt more like home. She'd done a little decorating, put personal touches on it, Nat still hadn't, her room was the bare minimum, but Wanda had been hoping she'd start to feel comfortable enough to put some roots down at the Avengers facility. The Avengers after all, were family.

_"Play something," Natasha smiled, picking up Wanda's guitar and handing it to her._

_"Like what?" Wanda smiled back nervously. She was always a little afraid of disappointing Nat._

_"Anything. Whatever you feel like."_

_Wanda didn't feel like playing anything, she was in the mood for something more intimate. Still, she wouldn't refuse the request._

_Sitting on the bed opposite Natasha, Wanda gripped the instrument and began to pluck a tune from it. It was slow and soft and beautiful. She looked up from the strings to Nat's face, seeing recognition there._

_"You know this one?"_

_"Yes," Natasha breathed. It was an old Slavic lullaby, something that took them both back to a fleeting moment of innocence. Short childhood's that felt like whispered dreams. Something none of their other friends would fully understand._

_Nat cleared her throat and blinked a few times._

_"Maybe play something a little more upbeat," she suggested, voice just the tiniest bit raw with emotion._

_"Okay," Wanda agreed, not needing to push the moment. She didn't want to rip Nat's defences away, just show her that they weren't necessary when it was just the two of them. Wanda had seen behind the Iron Curtain too._

_She thought for a moment before settling on a new song. Something silly. Something to make Nat smile._

_As predicted, it took about three bars before Nat slapped her hand across the strings._

_"Please tell me you don't actually like that."_

_"What is wrong with the Biebs? His songs are catchy, no?" Wanda tried to act seriously but she couldn't do it, a smile breaking out on her face._

_Nat smiled back with acknowledgement and pride. These little manipulations were tricks Natasha had taught her, ones that required no psionics, and she was now turning them around to use on her teacher to get what she wanted. Of course Nat recognised that, but gave in because the outcome was something they both desired._

_"Let's lose the guitar," Nat suggested, taking it from Wanda and setting it aside. Now they were getting somewhere._

_Wanda watched appreciatively as Nat climbed back onto the bed, heart thumping with eager anticipation. She didn't know exactly what Nat had in mind, but she knew it would be amazing. Nat was an expert teacher in so many things..._

Wanda was pulled from the memory by a commotion outside her cell. The cries of her captors suddenly silenced by swift, brutal blows.

Then the door to her cell was being reefed open by a familiar figure.

The instant her eyes connected with Nat's, she knew everything she had come to rely upon was still there. Their connection was intact. Wanda's relief was immense.

Nat rushed forward.

"Let's get this off you..." she said, struggling with the heavy device around Wanda's neck.

"Steve! Help me with this!" she called over her shoulder and then Steve was there, ripping the collar apart while Natasha hurriedly unbuckled the straps on the straight jacket.

With her arms free, there was only one thing Wanda wanted to do. She flung them around Nat and buried her face in soft, auburn curls.

"I knew you'd come for me."

"Always honey, always," Natasha assured her, rubbing soothing circles on her back. It felt so good after weeks tied up in the jacket.

"Both of you," Wanda said, reaching out to squeeze Steve's hand. She wanted him to know he was appreciated as well. He gave her a quick smile but then got back to business.

"We need to get out of here now."

"Where?" Wanda wondered. Where in the world could they go that they would not be hunted?

"Steve's got a place," Nat said, "we'll be safe there."

"We?" Wanda asked hopefully.

"Yes, we're on the same side now. Like we always should've been." Nat pressed a quick kiss to her lips and then it was time to go. And wherever that was, it didn't matter, as long as they were together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that was okay. Thanks for reading :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter Sam Wilson. And Bruce too... XD

Thor felt weary, down to his millennium old bones. His loyalties were being torn two ways. More than anything, he wanted to be with Steve, to never leave his side again. Duty however dictated otherwise. He had to find his father and restore him to the throne for the sake of all Asgardians. Once again Loki was tearing his heart in two.

For now, he was back on Asgard. Stephen Strange had granted permission for him to bring Loki to New York to search for Odin. The preparations had been made, and he was currently on his way to inform Banner of the arrangements. The scientist had been taking refuge on Asgard after revealing his true nature to Midgard's populace. The humans weren't too impressed.

On the whole, Thor found the Midgardian scientist to be quite agreeable. As always, Banner had a smile for him and it was nice to see a friendly face after dealing with his malevolent brother.

"So how are they?" Banner asked. "Tony and Steve kill each other yet?" The question was posed in jest, but it had struck painfully close to the truth. Banner however, was as unaware as Thor had been.

"Oh man, what happened?" he questioned, picking up on Thor's anguish. "Is everyone okay?"

"No one is dead, but the Avengers as we knew them are no more."

Banner looked shaken, Thor hoped it would not turn to anger.

"What?"

"Your government tried to impose restrictions upon them. Stark was happy to go along with the new laws but Steve could not be persuaded. Our friends are divided, it turned to war."

\---

Bruce knew Tony and Steve had never had a smooth relationship, but he also knew how much Tony respected Steve. He never believed they'd actually turn on each other. He had to do something.

"Where's Tony now?"

"Banner, stay calm please. He's at the Avengers facility. Colonel Rhodes sustained a serious injury. Stark is assisting him with his recovery. I am bound for New York as it is. You're welcome to join me."

Bruce nodded, it was a start.

"And how was he?"

"I did not go. I did not think I would be welcome. The matter became personal between them and if forced to choose a side, I can make only one choice. You understand."

"Yeah," Bruce agreed, "I do." He did because like Thor, his place was by the side of the man he loved. He hoped Tony was doing okay without him, he had confidence he would be, he knew how resilient Tony was. His coping methods might be questionable at times but then Bruce certainly wasn't one to judge. He didn't cope, he ran. It was one of his many flaws. In the wake of this incident though, he knew it was time to stop running away from things and start running towards them. Back to Tony who was the best thing that had ever happened to him. In his shame, for a moment, he'd forgotten that.

"How soon can we leave?"

\---

Beers, a cool evening breeze and stunning views of the sun setting over the Wakandan wilderness. Sam could get used to this.

"I can't believe you've been living it up here in paradise while I was stuck in prison," he commented to Steve.

"Paradise isn't the word I'd use."

There was only one person Steve could be talking about. Sam had had a run in with the former missing person earlier. He hadn't changed any since their first encounter.

_Wakanda was a pretty nice place, unexpectedly affluent and modern. The house was top notch, the food was great, he couldn't complain about the scenery, really there was only one thing wrong with it. One annoying, sulky thing. Sam didn't miss the hurt on Steve's face every time Barnes dismissed him. After what they'd been through, not just the last few weeks, but over the last couple of years, he couldn't let it go without saying something._

_"You know, you could be a little more grateful."_

_"To you?" Barnes sneered._

_"Na, I was just helping a friend out. I'm talking about the guy that sacrificed everything for you."_

_"Not everything," Barnes sulked. Really, what more could he expect Steve to do? He'd already given up his shield and landed himself on a global most wanted list. Not to mention half his friends would probably never speak to him again and he might never be able to go home._

_"Oh man, and I thought you were a jerk before. Talk about self-centred."_

_"You don't know anything about me," Barnes snapped._

_"No," Sam deadpanned, "it's not like I spent two years of my life searching for you. Reading your file cover to cover, listening to Steve talk constantly about you. Scouring the planet for anything I thought might lead me to you. I didn't do any of that."_

_The argument did seem to take a little of the wind out of his sails but he still glared moodily at Sam._

_"That's not me."_

_"No," Sam agreed, "you're way more annoying than any of the intel ever said."_

"Seriously man, what is Barnes' problem anyway?"

Steve paused, bottle of Hakim Stout halfway to his lips.

"Aside from the obvious..." Sam elaborated. He was well aware of the Winter Soldier's past with HYDRA, he'd read the damn file cover to cover a dozen times.

Steve sat his drink down and looked at him warily.

"There's something I never told you about Bucky and me..."

Sam had been wondering if Steve would ever actually voice this. He saved him the trouble.

"That you two were a thing? Yeah, I got that much..."

Steve's expression turned to surprise.

"Oh c'mon Cap..." Steve winced at the name. "Sorry, force of habit, Steve. But yeah, kinda impossible to miss that one."

"Right, so..." And then it clicked. Of course.

"You told him about Thor, didn't you?"

"I wish that's all there was to it," Steve said with a sigh. "See, the thing is, Thor stopped by for a night and it'd been a while since we'd seen each other and I was supposed to meet up with Bucky but I was running kinda late because, well, you know..." Steve trailed off, his cheeks definitely turning a shade darker.

"Oh my God! _That's_ what this is about?" Sam couldn't keep the grin off his face. "Barnes walked in on the two of you?"

Steve mumbled something in the affirmative and Sam lost it, doubling over with knee-slapping laughter, he'd have loved to have seen Steve's face in that moment if the furious blush he was sporting now was any indicator.

"So that's the funny side," Steve said, clearing his throat and shifting uncomfortably. "The other side is that we never actually broke up. Bucky died. I accepted that. I moved on. But Buck never had a chance to go through that kind of process."

Sam sobered quickly in the wake of that sad truth.

"He thought you guys would pick up where you left off?"

"I think so..."

"Man that's rough after everything else he's been through."

"I know," Steve sighed, "and I wish it could be different for him, I really do, but it can't. Not when I'm in love with someone else."

Suddenly the view wasn't quite as beautiful when Sam looked out at the forest again. The sun had sunk below the horizon, casting a shadow over the whole scene. He knew it was only temporary though, the sun would rise again.

There was only one solution Sam could think of.

"Guess he's gonna have to move on too."


	6. Chapter 6

Bucky was at the get together because Steve had insisted and agreeing had been the only way to get him to shut up, not to mention he had nothing better to do. They were in the shared living area of the house T'Challa had provided them with. The Wakandan king wasn't stupid, he was keeping them all together, which made them manageable, and wouldn't allow anyone to become isolated. They were, after all, potentially the most dangerous group of people on the planet. Effectively they were acting as guards for each other. It was a good strategy. It was also pretty suffocating.

He sat in the corner, watching as Steve moved among these strangers with an easy familiarity. His new friends. People Bucky knew hardly anything about, apart from their HYDRA profiles and the threat they had posed to the organisation. And of course Natalia, who went by Natasha these days. She was dating the Wanda girl, who like Bucky was a former HYDRA operative but seemed to fit in just fine. She and Steve seemed pretty close. Then there was the archer, Clint, Natalia's best friend, and the weird guy with the ant suit, the one who'd groped Steve. He was heading back to the States soon. Apparently he had a daughter and a girl he was keen to get back to. Why anyone with a family would agree to get tangled up in this unholy mess was beyond Bucky.

Undoubtedly though, the most unfortunate attendee of all was Sam Wilson. Steve's new best friend. Bucky had never met a more insufferable person in his entire life. He had an opinion on everything and an irritating habit of sticking his nose in business that wasn't his.

Honestly the whole thing sucked. He didn't belong here, he wasn't a part of this group. Steve had left him behind in so many ways and the more time they spent together the more evident that became.

Everyone seemed a little wary of him, and he knew he wasn't being very approachable, but he also didn't care. In the end it was Natalia who made the first move. She sat down beside him, as bold as he remembered her being. She opened with a frank question.

"You remember me yet?"

"More or less..." he shrugged. Some of the details were fuzzy but he remembered most of it now. A young girl that he'd been charged with training into a master assassin. Apparently, he'd got that much right. The Black Widow was legendary. He also remembered years later when he'd put a bullet straight through her. Then there was Washington and Berlin...

"And that's all you've got to say?"

He gave her a wry look.

"I've tried to kill you numerous times since then. What do we have left to say to each other?"

"You're not the Soldier. I thought I was talking to Bucky."

"I can't pretend he isn't part of me."

She gave him a look that said she wasn't buying the self-pity. That he wasn't the only one with problems. He liked that about her.

"Well someone forgot to take their happy pills this morning..."

"Look, if you just came over here to give me a hard time, feel free to leave now."

"I actually came over here to give you a kick up the ass. We've always been honest with each other. God, I don't know how I would've made it through the program without you, and now it's my turn to help. Don't waste this opportunity Steve fought so hard to give you. Do those things we talked about. Live."

"I'll take that under advisement." He couldn't say if it was a lie, because he hadn't made up his mind yet. One thing he did know though, was that he was sick of talking about himself. He glanced across the room to see Steve and Sam engaged in an animated conversation. It was the way Steve used to talk to him, back when he didn't feel sorry for him all the time.

_"What's their deal?"_ he asked in Russian, nodding towards the pair.

_"Sam helped us out a while back when we needed somewhere to hide,"_ Natalia replied in her native language.

_"From who?"_

_"HYDRA. We eluded them and they called in the big guns. Sam stood by us."_

Bucky didn't even know what to say to that, the realisation that he was a big part of why Steve and Sam had been forced together. Sometimes, he believed the world couldn't be any crueller and then he learned something like this.

_"After that,"_ she continued, _"Steve had one thing on his mind. Finding you. And Sam stood by him then too."_

_"And what about the alien, when did that happen?"_ Bucky couldn't say why he asked, some masochistic impulse obviously, because he knew the answer was only going to cause him more pain.

She gave him a look, not the pitying one he got from everyone else, but one that said she knew he wasn't going to like the answer. She was right.

_"After SHIELD fell. Things were tough and they needed each other. I thought it would be a temporary thing but weirdly they just kinda make sense."_

She was telling him to give up, but he wasn't quite ready to do that yet.

"And what about you? You happy?" he asked, reverting back to English.

Natalia turned her gaze on Wanda, a softer look coming into her eyes.

"As unlikely as it is, I think I am."

For a moment something touched Bucky, seeing this person he'd struggled along with finally get to the other side and find the thing she'd been looking for, but then he remembered he'd never have the same, and the feeling turned to bitterness.

"I should leave you guys to it," he said, getting up to leave. He didn't want to hurt her so he had decided to take Thumper's mothers advice. The random thought sparked a memory, of Steve had dragging him along to see Bambi as soon as it opened. Ever since they'd first seen Snow White in early '38, Steve had been obsessed with Disney's animation and had had a crazy idea about working for the studio one day. He'd aced all his art classes and might've even done it if the war hadn't come along. Bucky would've followed him to California. Another broken dream...

She looked up at him with discerning green eyes.

"You know, this could be your family too. Nothing would make Steve happier. Aren't you sick of fighting?"

He gave her a sad, hopeless smile. It was kind of funny that she thought he had a choice.

"I don't know how to do anything else."

\---

Steve glanced across the room at Bucky again. He was trying to keep an eye on him without being too obvious about it. He'd been glad when he saw Bucky talking to Nat, but the conversation had come to an abrupt end and Bucky slipped out the door. Steve decided to follow. He didn't like the thought of Bucky being alone and wanted to check that he was okay.

"Hey Buck," he began, not really sure where he was going with this but certain that he had to try.

At the sound of his voice, he saw Bucky tense, before turning to face him, usual scowl in place.

"Bucky, we can't go on like this."

"You made that decision, not me."

Steve had never seen this spiteful side of Bucky before and he didn't know how to deal with it. Having never been at odds with him in the past, he had no idea how to go about fixing their relationship now.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

Bucky glared at him and Steve braced for the attack he sensed was coming. Whatever Bucky said, Steve had to remember he was hurting.

"You should've waited. You knew. You knew I was still alive and you hooked up with him anyway!"

"Come on Bucky, it's not like I chose to. I fell in love with him."

"That's sappy, romantic crap and you know it! No one forced you to choose him, you made that decision. You! I never would've abandoned you!"

However Bucky had intended them, the words hit Steve like a... well like a freight train, knocking the air from his lungs. He had no more control over the tears that sprang to his eyes than he did his feelings for Thor. He had managed to carry this guilt for years without looking at it too closely but now Bucky was right in front of him, forcing him to deal with it.

"I didn't know..." he whispered.

"What?" Bucky snapped.

"In the mountains. When you fell, I didn't know. I thought you were dead. No one should've survived that. How could I have known?"

Bucky looked shaken for a second, obviously he hadn't meant it like that, but now that they were on the subject he wasn't gonna shy away from it.

"You didn't even look for me."

"There wasn't time. We had to keep going after Schmidt." Steve didn't know which of them the justification was for, but either way Bucky wasn't buying it.

"Bullshit, Steve. I would've made time for you."

"God Bucky! It's so easy to stand there now and tell me everything I did wrong. Don't you understand? You were dead! How the hell was I supposed to think rationally after that? You were everything and then you were gone. That fall killed me too! You're being completely unreasonable."

"Unreasonable?! You ended up with everything, and I have nothing. What have I got to be reasonable about?"

Steve had done everything he could. He'd ripped his whole life apart for Bucky, so why couldn't he see that? Bucky wasn't the only one that had suffered. Steve had crashed a goddamned plane into the frozen middle of nowhere because it seemed like the best option after Bucky's death, only to be pulled out of merciful oblivion to suffer the unbearable pain all over again. And this time it was combined with utter loneliness because Peggy, his only other friend, was gone too. And then after all that, he'd learned that HYDRA still existed. Everything they'd fought for, every sacrifice they had made, meant nothing. Was it too much to have sought a little comfort amongst all that? He didn't think so. It had to be the pain that caused the next words to come out his mouth. He didn't even really mean them, he just wanted to give Bucky back some of what he was dishing out. Steve hadn't always been the 'lucky' one.

"Well maybe now you know how I felt."

Bucky's expression turned to ice.

"Fuck you! I never treated you as second best and my opinion should've been the only one that mattered. The only one! I loved you without reservation and we were supposed to be in it to the end of the line."

"I'm not the one who said that."

There was a beat of heavy silence and the next thing Steve knew a fist was colliding with his face.

\---

One second Sam had been chatting to Steve, and the next Steve was gone. Barnes had sulked off and as usual Steve was dropping everything to go after him. It wasn't long before he heard raised voices followed by the unmistakable sound of violence.

"Come on," Nat called, taking off in the direction of the fight. "They'll tear the whole damn place down."

"Um, super soldiers," Sam pointed out as he fell into step beside her. "How are we supposed to stop them?"

"Leave it to me," Wanda said, eyes already beginning to glow scarlet.

Out in the corridor Steve had Bucky shoved up against the wall, trying to stop him without hurting him, it was a hard balance to strike and Steve was losing. Even with one arm Barnes was putting up a hell of a fight. Whatever had happened between them, the drywall was never gonna be the same.

"Steve! Let go!" Natasha commanded with no result.

Wanda didn't wait any longer before covering the two of them with her mist.

A slack look stole over both their faces and the fight was over. Sam stepped forward and pulled Steve away, while Natasha grabbed Bucky and steered him off in the other direction.

Wanda waved her hand in Steve's direction and then she followed Nat away.

Steve snapped back to himself, bringing a hand up to wipe across his bloody mouth.

"Man, what the hell was that?" Sam asked.

Steve wasn't really listening, his attention focused on Wanda.

"What did she do?" he asked in awe.

"Stop you from killing each other. You think me or Natasha stood a chance?"

Steve finally turned his gaze on him.

"She is one scary dame," he observed.

"Well I'm glad something gives you pause," Sam said, gently taking Steve's chin and turning his head a little. The damage to his jaw didn't look too bad, a bruise and some swelling probably, but nothing seemed to be broken. His lip was intact so the blood must've been coming from in his mouth, the inside of his cheek most likely. "How'd he get one up on you?"

"Bucky was one hell of a boxer. Always did have a mean right hook."

"That wasn't what I meant."

"I know. He pushed and I pushed back. I said something I shouldn't have. I don't know," Steve sighed, rubbing his jaw, "maybe I've had it coming for a while."

"Really? You're still gonna make excuses for him?"

"Who's gonna if I don't? He's had a really hard life, Sam."

"Haven't we all?"

Steve frowned.

"I know you don't like him very much-"

"That's not... I just don't like the way he treats you. You're the one that's done everything for him. He could be a little more appreciative."

"He wasn't always like this, you know. I wish you could've known him before. He was so full of life. Every situation was just a good time waiting to be had. He was strong and confident and generous. He was the most amazing person I'd ever met."

Sam didn't doubt Steve's words, well maybe a little, but he also knew how things like PTSD could really screw with people. Recovery was possible but it wasn't easy. And it wasn't something that could be forced.

"That guys still in there but he's gotta be the one to decide he wants to find him again."

The trick to it was showing the person that there was a reason to bother looking, and sometimes that did require a little pushing, but hard work had never bothered Sam before.

\---

_"Did you hear what they found in the ice? Captain America survived his apparent suicide mission," Pierce announced._

_"Will he be a problem?" Rumlow asked._

_Captain America? Steve! Bucky's heart hadn't beat with this much elation in seventy years._

_"If and when that happens," Pierce said, turning to Bucky with a malicious smile, "we'll deal with him."_

_"No!" They couldn't expect him to kill Steve. He wouldn't, they couldn't make him! "Anything else, anything but that. Please..."_

_Pierce's smile turned into a sneer of disgust._

_"Wipe him. He's no good to us like that."_

_This time it was crushing fear that caused his heart to race uncontrollably..._

The room came into focus around him, not a HYDRA storage facility but a comfortable bedroom in the share house. Bucky was no stranger to having people mess with his head but he'd never experienced anything quite like that. It had felt so real, his heart still hammered with joy and terror.

"What the hell was that?" he snapped.

"Easy there, Barnes," Natalia soothed. She could stick her placations, this was between him and the witch.

"You stay out of my head, you freak! You're got no right!"

"Hey!" Natalia barked. "I know you've had a shitty day, but you don't speak to Wanda like that. She stopped you from doing something you were gonna regret."

Bucky couldn't do this, he couldn't deal with being out of control again. He had to get away from Wanda now. And Steve had made it pretty clear how he felt, it wasn't like anyone was gonna miss him.

"I gotta get out of here." He looked around, wondering what, if anything, he should bring with him. Maybe just his journal...

Natalia folded her arms and quirked a brow.

"Well that's brilliant," she said with no small amount of sarcasm. "And what happens when some ex-HYDRA psycho with lofty ambitions and a point to prove gets hold of you? You may not be the Soldier but he's in there too. You really wanna risk that?"

Damn it, she was right. He'd been backed into a corner, forced to submit yet again. He needed to be around people who could stop him if it came to that, and unfortunately Wanda was at the top of that list. Life really sucked sometimes.

He turned to the younger woman, forcing himself to make this right.

"I'm sorry."

"It is alright. You are in pain and have more cause than most to be wary of my gifts."

He supposed it didn't take a psychic to figure that much out.

"I just... You can't do that again. Knock me out if you have to but don't get inside my head. I hate it."

"I understand," she nodded, and maybe she did, HYDRA had used her too. "I am sorry too. I was trying to give you both something happy."

"You can trust her," Natalia encouraged.

He looked between them both, these two strong women who had suffered at the same hands he had, who were looking at him with such open generosity and kindness. Part of him wanted to believe he could trust them, while another part of him knew it was stupid to think he could trust anyone. In the end though, it didn't matter what he decided, he didn't have a choice. Wanda was powerful enough to do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, making his trust non-negotiable if he stayed. All he could do was hope that if he put up with it long enough, one day a time would come when he was free to make his own choices again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be some Tony/Bruce. Thanks for reading :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never read any Tony/Bruce and I found them really hard to write, so I hope they aren't too OOC. Maybe let me know how I did in a comment? Thanks for reading.

Bruce had never been to the Avengers facility before but it was stylish and ambitious like everything else Tony did.

When he tracked Tony down, of course he was working, making adjustments to some contraption that encased the lower half of Rhodey's damaged body, while ultra conscientious Stark Industries employee Maria Hill watched on.

Finding the door of the lab open, Bruce let himself in.

Silence fell as the three occupants of the room turned to stare at him. Rhodey in particular looked murderous, but Bruce wouldn't have expected anything less from Tony's best friend.

"Hey guys," he greeted, offering a tentative smile, one that he wasn't surprised to find went unreturned. He'd known this wouldn't be easy.

"Hi Bruce," Maria eventually offered to break the silence, sounding uncertain about whether or not she was happy to see him.

It was an awkward situation, so he addressed the easiest and most obvious thing first. It was a way too, of letting Tony know that he knew about the disagreement over the accords.

"How are you doing, Rhodey? I heard about your... Well I heard."

"I'm getting there. With a lot of help."

"That's good..." Bruce offered lamely.

Rhodey glanced anxiously at Tony who was yet to say a word, then he turned to the former SHIELD agent.

"Maria, I could do with some fresh air."

"Sure, hun," she agreed, taking his arm to help him outside.

"We'll be right outside, Tone," Rhodey offered, giving Tony a little smile. Tony nodded and Rhodey made sure to throw Bruce a menacing look before he went, making clear that he would be ready to defend Tony at a moment's notice.

Bruce watched them go, wondering when they'd become a couple and about what else he'd missed in his absence. It seemed like a lot of things had changed since Sokovia, he hoped Tony's feelings weren't among them, but Bruce couldn't blame him if they were. He hadn't exactly been the most supportive partner.

Bruce shifted his gaze back to Tony, who was watching his friends disappear outside. Once they were gone Tony kept his eyes on the empty space they'd left behind as he spoke.

"They're perfect for each other, don't you think? You ever see two people with bigger sticks up their asses?"

"I guess not," Bruce agreed, keeping his focus on Tony who was obviously trying to hide his feelings behind the humour. Self-preservation 101 for Tony Stark when things threatened to overwhelm him. Honestly though, Tony looked exhausted, like he was barely holding it together. Bruce felt terrible, knowing that he was partly to blame.

Now that they were alone, Tony's idle hands began to fiddle with another piece of nearby tech, his restlessness a clear sign of how uncomfortable he was. Bruce knew he was the cause of it and he hated himself for it, but this wasn't about him.

Seeing Tony's distress, Bruce decided right then and there that he was done with running, it only ever made things worse in the long run. That also meant that no matter how much Tony wanted to avoid it, they needed to have the difficult conversation.

"Tony, you need to stop."

"That's the last thing I need," Tony argued, squinting at a dislodged microprocessor. Bruce knew Tony always had several projects on the go, and that he would want to do everything he could to help Rhodey, but he needed some time for himself too. And avoidance certainly wasn't going to solve anything. Bruce should know.

"It's exactly what you need," Bruce insisted, stepping closer and sliding his hand over Tony's, forcing him to pause. "I'll bet you haven't stopped since it all went down."

Tony let out a shaky breath and looked up, eyes connecting with Bruce's for the first time. In them Bruce saw weeks of anguish and suppressed feelings bubble uncontrollably to the surface now that he didn't have to be the strong one anymore. Tears filled his eyes and then he was clinging to Bruce, making Bruce realise just how much he'd let down the man he loved.

He'd let his fear rule him, when he should've been thinking about Tony's feelings and how his absence might be affecting him. That's what you were supposed to do when you committed to a relationship.

"I'm sorry," Bruce apologised as he held Tony close. "So, so sorry. If you want to talk, I'm here now."

Bruce thought Tony might tell him about the fight with Steve, or details of Rhodey's injuries but he didn't. Tony's pain was deeper than that, his voice low and broken when the words came.

"My mom was murdered."

Bruce didn't understand. Howard and Maria had died years ago in a car accident.

"What? I thought she died in an accident."

"They made it look like that."

"They?"

"HYDRA. They used Barnes to do it and Rogers knew. He knew all along and he didn't tell me."

This was what Thor meant went he said personal.

"Oh Tony, that's awful. I should've been here."

Tony pulled back and scrubbed a hand over his wet face, before fixing Bruce with an anxious look.

"I've never been so angry. I wanted to kill them both. I tried."

If Bruce knew anything it was the helplessness of uncontrollable rage. He ached for Tony, that he had had to experience that.

"I'm sorry," Bruce said again, sympathising with the feeling. He knew that these were two words he'd be saying a lot over the next few weeks, because of his own selfish actions and because of the ordeal Tony had been through.

"And," Tony continued, "I thought for a second, that he was gonna kill me."

"Barnes?"

"No, Cap. He was so single-minded. In that moment, there was only one person that mattered to him and it wasn't me. I really thought he might do it."

As if they didn't have enough problems to deal with in their messed up lives, turning on each other was a complication they didn't need. Bruce could feel the anger threatening, the epinephrine beginning to flow. How could Steve be such a prick after everything they'd been through together? He was supposed to be Tony's friend.

"Bruce, please don't get angry," Tony urged, reaching up and taking Bruce's face between his hands. The soft touch helped calm him. "It doesn't change what's happened. I don't need the other guy. Just you. Don't leave me alone again."

In the face of that plea, protectiveness overcame Bruce, reminding him what was important, and the adrenaline subsided. He would respect Tony's wishes to the best of his ability. Bruce understood now. Someone else's feelings mattered more than his own did. He would have to find a way to make being on Earth okay because the right choice would always be standing by Tony's side.

"I shouldn't have left in the first place. I really am sorry. How many apologies is that already? You're gonna get sick of me..."

"No," Tony insisted, with a shake of his head. "No, as long as you stay here you can apologise forever if you want to."

Tony was too good, too quick to forgive. It was a quality that endeared Bruce to him but left Tony open to being hurt time and time again. He loved so deeply and Bruce had been shamefully inconsiderate of that. As much as Bruce wanted to blame Steve or HYDRA or anyone else, he knew there was only one person he should be directing his anger at, and that was himself. For being a coward. For abandoning Tony. But like Tony said, anger was no help to either of them now.

"I never thought you guys would fall out or that Steve would be capable of betrayal like this."

"Me neither," Tony admitted. "I guess you never really know anyone."

Tony's loneliness was so apparent in that moment and Bruce had the overwhelming urge to erase it forever. He knew he could do that, if only he was truly willing to commit to it.

"Except me," he declared. "You and I, that you can trust. I won't let you down again. I promise."

"I really want to believe that."

"I love you. So much. It's my own flaws that I can't get past. I can't help thinking that you deserve better, Tony. But if you really want me and all my faults, I'm yours. Never think I don't love you."

"No one's perfect, Bruce. All we can do is keep trying. Make better choices. I've never loved anyone the way I love you, with your anger issues, commitment-phobia and all."

"Alright," Bruce agreed, sliding his arms around Tony's waist and pulling them tight together. From now on he was gonna do everything he could to make Tony happy and keep him that way. "Let's start with scratching commitment-phobia off that list."

For the first time in the conversation, Bruce saw light fill Tony's eyes. Now all Bruce wanted was to kiss him, to show him he meant every word of what he'd said. He leaned in but Tony stopped him with a hand on his chest, leaning back just out of reach.

Bruce looked into Tony's eyes, and while he was sure there was no anger there, he did see wariness. Tony was willing to forgive but he couldn't forget. Not just yet. It was going to take more than a kiss to fix this but that was okay. Tony was worth it.

"Wanna help me with the new stability system for Rhodey?"

"Sure," Bruce agreed, releasing his grip and turning his attention to the bench full of spare parts. "Have you considered an in vivo system?"

Tony's excitement at the new idea was instantly apparent.

"See?" he grinned, grabbing his holo-tablet and pulling up Rhodey's scans, "this is why I adore you."

Bruce just smiled. This right here, science and problem-solving, had always been their common ground and he knew that if they worked together, from here they could fix anything.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what this is. I feel like I'm writing circles around where I actually want this to go. Anyway, hopefully it's not too bad. Thanks for reading.

_The icy wind whipped at his face and Steve stretched his arm out, straining to reach Bucky as the train sped along the mountain pass. He didn't look down but he knew it was a long way to the bottom._

_"Bucky, hang on!"_

_He had to reach him before he fell but Bucky was slipping..._

_"Grab my hand!" If Bucky could just do that everything would be okay, but then the unimaginable happened and Bucky was falling, his screams tearing Steve's heart to pieces..._

Steve jolted awake, dazed at first because the screaming didn't stop. Then he realised the sound was coming from Bucky's room. He raced out, finding Sam, Wanda and Nat awake too.

Nat got to the door first and didn't hesitate before letting herself in. Steve went to follow her but Sam stopped him.

"You're not the right person for this. He doesn't trust you right now."

"He could kill her and not even know it," Steve argued.

"Every soldier is trained to kill. Nat can handle herself. Has he been having a lot of nightmares?" Steve paused, this was the Sam he'd first met at the VA.

"Not that I know of," he answered, feeling kind of guilty that he hadn't been paying more attention to Bucky's needs. "He's been keeping it quiet if he has."

There was a thump from inside the room and Wanda stepped forward to calm Bucky with her powers. Of course, Steve realised. Sam appeared to make the connection at the same time.

"Could this be because of what you did to them?" Sam questioned.

"I suppose it is possible," Wanda allowed, obviously unsettled by the thought.

"I was having a nightmare too," Steve informed them, sure that they were onto something. "It felt so vivid and real."

Wanda looked very distressed by that. Steve reached out and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. He didn't blame her, he knew she'd meant well.

"About what?" Sam asked. "What did you see earlier?"

The vision had been of Thor, a memory actually, the first time he'd realised Thor was going to kiss him and the wonderful feeling that had accompanied it. Suddenly fighting had been the last thing on his mind. Sam didn't need details.

"Nothing that would make me react like that. The nightmare was about Bucky. About when he fell."

"I was trying to give you happy memories," Wanda offered.

"I know. You did."

"So why is he screaming?" Sam wondered.

"The positive emotions are difficult," Wanda admitted, wringing her hands nervously. "I was engineered to control people with fear and pain."

Steve hated seeing her so upset because of a situation he'd brought upon her. If he hadn't been fighting with Bucky, she wouldn't have had to stop them.

"It's okay," he assured her, throwing caution to the wind and wrapping his arms around her. He thought both of them could do with the comfort as sounds of distress continued to issue from Bucky's room. "It's not your fault."

She curled into him, letting herself be shielded, she was just a kid after all. He pressed a kiss to her hair, before looking up and locking eyes with Sam. They both knew it. Fighting the accords, keeping Bucky safe and escaping from prison had only been the beginning of their battles.

\---

Sam couldn't leave Natasha to deal with this alone, confused and panicked soldiers were dangerous enough under normal circumstances, let alone an enhanced one. Wanda and Steve were stress triggers, not that either of them were in a much better state than Barnes right now. The situation certainly didn't need more tension, so that left one option.

"Stay here," he told them, "Nat and I have got this."

"Be careful," he heard Steve warn as he entered the room, closing the door behind himself.

Nat was on the bed, cradling Barnes to her, speaking softly to him as she gently rocked them back and forward. Barnes' breathing was shallow and rapid, Sam couldn't see his face for the hair that hung forward in a messy veil. It was hard to tell if he was even be aware of his surroundings, nightmares varied a lot. And it was hard too, to say exactly what kind of episode this was, with so many contributing factors. Possible PTSD, brainwashing, stress over his relationship with Steve and Wanda's influence.

"...they can't take that away from us," he heard her say. She glanced up at him, an imploring look, she knew his history of dealing with cases like this. Right now, there was nothing to be done, except be here, maybe in the morning when things had calmed down they could broach the subject of therapy, not that he thought it would be well received, but then, it rarely was.

"You're safe here," she was telling him now, "we did it. We made it out the other side."

Barnes didn't respond, not lucidly at least, but eventually the terror subsided and he calmed down enough to slip back in to a deeper sleep. Natasha eased him down and manoeuvred herself off the bed.

"Think he'll be okay for now?" she whispered. Sam nodded. There wasn't much else they could do at the moment. "How's Wanda?" Nat asked. Clearly, she'd made the connection too.

"She's pretty upset," he answered honestly. Nat looked worried. "It's okay, I got this," he offered, knowing that Nat would want to go to her.

"Come get me if you need anything," she offered.

"Okay."

Once she left, Sam reached for the desk chair. As he grabbed it to turn it a little, he accidently knocked something off the desk. He held his breath and glanced at Barnes, hoping the soft thud hadn't woken him. Barnes didn't move and when Sam was satisfied he was still asleep he bent down to retrieve the item. It was a book. A notebook more specifically. Sam glanced over a few lines, it wasn't easy to make out the words in the dark, but he saw enough to realise that is was a diary. Something about Steve and a plum tree and having that memory to hold onto. As soon as Sam realised what he was looking at he gently closed the book and sat it back on the desk. Then he settled down in the chair to wait. He'd give it half an hour or so, just to make sure the nightmare wasn't coming back, then he'd head back to his own room...

\---

Fucking HYDRA, Nat fumed as she marched back to the room she shared with Wanda. She had to hand it to them that they knew how to fuck up a perfectly good life for no good reason. She almost wished the Avengers hadn't finished shutting down all the bases, just so she still had something left to smash to pieces.

She didn't know Bucky all that well, not like Steve did, most of her time had been spent with the Winter Soldier, but on the days that he'd been out of the freezer too long, or when she'd managed to land a particularly effective hit, they'd been able to talk. Steal enough time to comfort each other in a place where there was no solace. Seeing those glimpses of him back then, knowing him now, she hated HYDRA for what they'd done. For the way they'd both been used against their will, Bucky being hollowed out and having something else poured back in, and her own sacrifice, well there were some things she was never getting back. It had all been malicious and cruel beyond imagination. So much pain and suffering. The only thing she had to be grateful about was that Wanda hadn't suffered the worst of what they had to offer. Yes, HYDRA had taken advantage of the desperation of innocent children, but in her transformation Wanda had been as willing as a person that young is capable of being. And all for what? What had any of it achieved? Nothing beyond spreading misery.

Nat knew none of her rage would help Wanda though, so she took a deep breath and forced herself to calm down before she entered the room.

Inside, she found Wanda tucked under the covers, nestled in close behind Steve who was resting on top of the sheets. She reached out and gently touched his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked up at her, giving her a small smile, before getting up out of her spot.

"She was a little upset," he whispered, "I told her it wasn't her fault."

Nat nodded and touched a hand to his arm in thanks before he quietly slipped out of the room.

She lifted the sheets up and slid into bed, reaching out and pulling Wanda close.

"He is okay?" Wanda murmured fretfully.

"He will be," Nat assured her. She believed that because she knew who Bucky had in his corner. They would all do everything they could to help. "What about you, honey?"

Wanda nestled in tighter against her, tucking her head under Nat's chin, hiding her face from view.

"I didn't mean it," she softly admitted.

"Everyone knows that," Nat soothed, running a hand over Wanda's hair.

"I wish I could control it better."

"We all wish that about a lot of things but it's what's in here that counts," Nat reminded, resting her hand over Wanda's heart.

Wanda moved back enough to look her in the eye.

"I don't want my friends to be scared of me. Or for you to be."

"I'm not. None of us are. We're scared _for_ you. And for each other. We've all been hurt in so many ways. Maybe now though, that we're all coming back together, we can help each other. We were always strongest together."

The pained look faded from Wanda's eyes, something softer and warmer replacing it.

"You always know just what to say."

"I just call it like I see it. We need each other. Never more than now."

Wanda gave her a smile before tucking back in against her chest, comforted rather than afraid this time.

"I love you, Natasha."

"Love you too. Now get some sleep." She had a feeling they were going to need it, but with Wanda safe in her arms she was confident that whatever challenge came their way next they could handle it, as long as they stuck together.

\---

The sun was just beginning to lighten the sky when Sam woke. He rubbed his aching neck, taking a second to remember where he was. It all came back when his eyes landed on the sleeping form in the bed in front of him. Bucky. He hadn't meant to stay so long.

Observing Bucky from the blurry edge of sleep, Sam found himself intrigued. He'd never had a chance to study him like this before, never really seen him without a scowl or a frown in place. Relaxed like this, the man looked damn near angelic. He must have broken a lot of hearts before the war. Life was unfair in a lot of ways. And as far as Bucky was concerned, Sam realised he was a contributing factor to that.

He had never considered the idea that loyalty could be a bad thing. He wasn't sorry about his loyalty to Steve, and never would be. Captain America showing up on his doorstep was one of the most incredible things that had ever happened to him but he realised now that following him without question came at a price. The cost of his loyalty was that he may never be able to go home again, at least not without serving a prison sentence first, and as well as that it had robbed him of his compassion in a way. It had blinded him to something that should've been so obvious from the start. Sitting here now, with nothing to do but think about the whole thing from Bucky's point of view, he knew he'd been unfair. He'd only been able to take Bucky as he'd seen him in regards to Steve. Difficult and ungrateful, causing Steve unnecessary pain, but now he was beginning to see the whole picture. A man who had suffered and was still suffering. A soldier fresh from battle that had no support to rely upon. He was ashamed, and frankly shocked, that he hadn't been able to see it immediately. He was no stranger to the emotional and psychological upheaval caused by war, having worked with a lot of returned soldiers at the VA, not to mention his own experiences in Afghanistan. For years after the Khandil mission he'd barely been able to hold it together. He knew the relentlessness of grief and the suffocating weight of guilt. He also knew the very personal battle that was fought which was why he quietly snuck out before he got caught keeping watch. Bucky was okay for now and Sam didn't think he'd appreciate waking up to find anyone, particularly a person he'd been at odds with since the moment they met, watching over him.

Apparently, not everyone was okay though. It was Natasha's voice he heard first, and she didn't sound very happy.

"You never mentioned him and I never went to the damn exhibition! It was for tourists and school kids. I figured you'd tell me what you wanted me to know. That day on the bridge was the first time I knew that my friend was your friend too."

"So why didn't you tell me then?" Steve demanded.

"What good would it have done? Yes, he suffered, but so did I. It's not something I like to talk about."

Steve seemed to realise he was being unreasonable and backed off.

"Sorry."

"So you should be. Since the Lemurian Star, I've never held back what I know will help."

"I know. I just... I hate not being able to help him more."

In the face of Steve's anguish, Nat eased off too, softening her tone.

"None of us like seeing him suffer and struggle. But wounds like that? They take a long time to heal, if at all, and he needs someone who knows what they're doing. Sam can do that."

"Can I?" Sam wondered aloud. Being stuck in a strange country, and being on the wrong side of the law, had him dealing with issues of his own right now. Not to mention he and Bucky did nothing but annoy the hell out of each other.

At the sound of his voice they both turned to face him.

"How is he?" Steve asked anxiously.

"He was still sleeping when I left."

"That's good," Nat offered.

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "Maybe don't mention any of this to him. Even though it's not, but he might see it as a sign of weakness. Or it's possible he might not even remember anything happened at all. Of course if he wants to talk about it, that's different, but don't be the one to raise the subject. I really think someone qualified needs to deal with this."

They both nodded in agreement.

"How's Wanda?" Sam asked.

"She's alright," Nat answered. "She understands better than this knucklehead that what we need now is unity. All we've got is each other."

Sam glanced at Steve who looked suitably cowed.

"Can't argue with that," Sam agreed. Nat was right, if he knew anything it was the value of group support. And thing about it was that the unity she talked about included Bucky too. They had fought on the same side in a war. For better or worse he was a part of their team now and to Sam that meant he couldn't stand by and continue to do nothing. Somehow, he had to find a way to help.

\---

"I'm thrilled to be travelling the realms with you again brother," Loki taunted, flashing him a showy smile. Thor knew he was being tormented, that Loki meant to irritate him. Apart from anything else, the use of the word 'brother' was meant to cut, so he worked hard not to react despite the fact that he wanted to throttle his hateful sibling. Though silence of course was no deterrent to an egomaniac like Loki. He enjoyed the sound of his own voice far too much. "And Midgard? So precious to you. I'm touched. I wonder how their defences have improved since my last visit to New York?"

Thor knew a threat when he heard one, and that he could not abide. He grabbed Loki roughly, forcing him to take heed.

"You listen to me. We are going to Earth for one reason, and one reason only. To find our father."

"Your father."

"The King of Asgard. A planet you are a citizen of and could have been, could still be, put to death by for treason."

"Oh yes, I forgot. You're actually my heroic saviour. I should be grateful, should I not? Thank you oh wondrous Thor, for stealing my crown and slapping me in chains. How shall I ever repay you?"

"Enough!" Thor snapped, shoving Loki away, refusing to be drawn into another pointless war of words. "You will help me find Father and will keep your mouth shut while you do it."

"But how-"

"You try my patience," Thor warned.

"But that is no achievement at all..." Loki said, sighing for dramatic effect.

"You really have no idea how to help yourself, do you? I didn't want to have to do this." He turned to a guard. "Bring the muzzle!"

"Oh I'm sure it pains you greatly..." Loki sneered.

"Did you ever stop to think that if you weren't so arrogant and presumptuous, that you might be able to see the truth? That seeing you like this, being forced to treat you so, is the last thing I wish to do? I could forgive you, if only you would let me."

Loki stilled, all traces of humour vanishing.

"I neither need nor desire your forgiveness. I have done nothing wrong."

"I sincerely hope that is a lie," Thor replied, fixing the muzzle in place. The unfortunate thing was that he believed Loki's words to be the truth, because while they might disagree on many things, one thing they both knew was that the truth could inflict far deeper wounds than any lie ever could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nat gets a bit schmoopy in this chapter because one part in Civil War that always gets me is when she tells Steve that all of them staying together is the most important thing. Like everyone else gets caught up in the accords and what's right and wrong and Nat doesn't care about any of that. She just wants her friends around her. Really she's just a big softy at heart and I love that about her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if this chapter feels a bit rushed, I needed to get this story moving. Thanks for reading.

Inevitably the shit had hit the fan in New York. Deceit and chaos followed the mischief maker wherever he went. Loki had slipped his leash and someone needed to find him before all hell broke loose, and what it meant was that everyone was packing up and going to Thor's aid. Well almost everyone. Obviously Barnes wouldn't be joining them.

"You ready to go?" Steve asked Sam as he grabbed the last of his gear.

"Actually," Sam said, "I think I'm gonna stay here." What use would he be if Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Scarlet Witch, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Vision and the hero formally known as Captain America weren't up to the task?

Steve shot him a questioning look.

How did Sam explain it when he didn't fully understand it himself? Stopping Loki should outweigh everything, but it didn't. He knew part of his reluctance to go was tied up in fear. Not fear of battle, there were worse things than dying, but it bothered him, the things he'd sacrificed for the Avengers, the way he'd lost himself for a while there.

To answer Steve's question, he tried for something he thought was close to the truth.

"I don't think we should leave Barnes here without one of us to keep watch. Just in case..." In case of what, he wasn't sure, but Steve seemed to agree with the sentiment, nodding his approval. He reached out and clapped a hand to Sam's shoulder.

"Thank you, Sam. Again. For being there for him when I can't."

"Just doing my bit," Sam shrugged, but he knew that this time it was different. It wasn't like the years he'd spent trying to track Bucky down. This time he wasn't doing it for Steve or anyone else. This time, he was doing it for himself.

\---

Bucky wanted to be angry and stay angry. He wanted to hate Steve for what he'd done but hate required so much effort and he just didn't have the energy for it. Besides, could he really blame him? During their fight, he'd told Steve he never would've abandoned him, but he realised now that he had. That he was partly to blame for Steve moving on. Maybe if he hadn't run, maybe if he'd come back to Steve sooner, things might be different between them.

It was all such a mess. Even writing in a journal was harder than it should be. With one arm, how was he supposed to keep the damn thing steady?

He gave up, leaning back and resting the pencil against his mouth, the taste of pine sparking a memory which brought a faint smile to his lips. Across the decades he could hear Steve telling him off...

_"Bucky! That's a special drawing pencil! How many times do I have to tell you not to waste them?!"_

_"What?" Bucky would say, as though he had no idea he was doing anything wrong, just to see the blaze in Steve's eyes and the colour in his cheeks. Steve would try to stay mad at him but he never could, especially not when Bucky would begin to read back the things he'd been using the stolen pencil to write..._

He didn't want to believe all that was lost now. Steve couldn't not love him, it wasn't possible.

At first, after he'd escaped HYDRA, he hadn't known exactly what Steve meant to him, but as the memories had returned and he started to remember all of it, the bad ones had come with the good. Once he'd finally understood what they really meant to each other, he also knew all the terrible things he'd done since the last time they'd been together, and he'd been afraid. Of the only thing in his life that had ever really scared him, of letting Steve down, of not being good enough. In the end though, Steve had found him and they'd instantly fallen back into perfect sync. Then he'd seen the lengths that Steve had been willing to go to, despite knowing the awful truth about Bucky's crimes, and he'd been ready to accept that maybe Steve could still love him in spite of it all. En route to Siberia they'd finally been alone, and he thought that maybe Steve would bring it up, maybe he'd acknowledge their love. In hindsight, he knew that Steve's silence actually had nothing to do with him, that Steve had found someone new. When they'd eventually made it to safety, had a chance to take a breath and think, Bucky had mentioned it, that they might finally be together again, and that's when Steve had told him. That it was too late. That he had moved on. He hadn't really believed it until he'd seen it with his own eyes. That hurt, and then it was compounded when he'd learned that Steve had moved on knowing he was still out there. After that it turned nasty and here they were.

And if all that wasn't hard enough, now everyone was giving him weird looks. Like they were all being more careful than usual, like they felt even sorrier for him than they had before. He hated it. He didn't want to be reminded that he was broken all the time. He didn't want their pity. While it was true he hadn't exactly won that fight with Steve, he hadn't exactly lost it either, and if anyone had bothered to ask him, he thought he'd done okay for a guy missing an arm.

Even Steve was being more careful than usual, acting like that bruise on his face didn't matter, like all he wanted to do was help. Bucky didn't want Steve to pity him, he wanted him to love and respect him like he used to, and until Steve could stop treating him like he was broken he couldn't stand to be around him.

Sometimes he thought it might all be too complicated, that too much had happened, but then things had never been easy for them. The obstacles were different now, but they had always had to work for their relationship. In the end he supposed it came down to one question. Was Steve worth the fight?

\---

It was tempting to walk away without a word, Steve didn't know if he could handle any more grief from Bucky. Since their fight he hadn't exactly been receptive to Steve's attempts at repairing the rift, and though Steve wanted to help, he didn't know how he was supposed to do that when Bucky wouldn't even talk to him. He would have to let Sam take care of Bucky now. Sam was a good man and he trusted him to do that.

As for leaving without saying goodbye, Steve knew it wouldn't be right. Bucky deserved more than that because of their friendship and all that they had shared, even though Steve's jaw was still smarting from the punch Bucky had landed. He might be enhanced, but even a super jaw took time to heal when it copped a shiner from a super fist. Not to mention he was going into battle and there was always the possibility that he wouldn't be coming back. He couldn't leave things so unresolved between them.

Steve knocked and predictably there was no answer so he tentatively pushed the door open to find Bucky leaning over his desk, scribbling in a notebook.

"Hey Buck. I wanted to say goodbye. And that I'm sorry things got so out of hand the other day."

He waited for a response but Bucky remained silent. It wasn't ideal, but least he wasn't yelling anymore.

Steve sighed, unsure why he'd expected anything else. He turned to leave, satisfied that he'd at least put in an effort, but stopped when Bucky spoke a single word.

"Stay."

Steve turned back, eyes meeting Bucky's big, blue ones, an unguarded look in them. For a moment he had his Bucky back, and all the distance between them fell away.

"Don't go. You're not Captain America anymore, you're just Steve. So stay here. With me. Where you belong."

Bucky got up from the desk and came closer, reaching out, fingers ghosting over the bruise on Steve's face. How many times had they been in this position in the past? Except that Bucky had never been the cause of his bruises before.

Bucky was obviously thinking the same thing, some memory of Brooklyn playing in his mind. He was so gentle, so beautiful, it was such a tender touch. It wasn't hard to remember why he'd fallen in love with this person. The one person who had seen past his physical weakness and appreciated the person inside. The only person who really knew him.

Bucky looked up into his eyes again.

"Please?"

Steve wasn't unsympathetic but he had to be true to himself and follow his heart. What Bucky didn't realise, or maybe want to admit, was that this wasn't a mission. It wasn't about duty or the Avengers. It was about Thor and his brother, and him needing Steve to be by his side, and Steve's desire to do just that.

"He needs me."

"I need you. It was always me and you. The two of us against the world. Choose me instead of him."

Bucky's hand was still on Steve's face and he closed the space between them, and bringing their mouths together and the instant that their lips met Steve remembered what it was to be kissed by this incredible person, but he also knew the current reality felt different to the memory. Once it had meant everything, now kissing Bucky just made him sad, it didn't feel like home anymore. Still, he let Bucky have his moment, let him savour this act one last time, kissed him the way he remembered he should. When the kiss ended, Steve had never felt surer in his conviction. To him, there was no choice to be made. There was only one person he could be with now. He'd never set out to hurt Bucky but it was impossible not to. All Steve could do was be honest. He reached up and curled his fingers around Bucky's, looking into those amazing eyes, hoping Bucky could see how much he didn't want to have to do this as he gently pulled Bucky's hand away.

"Goodbye Buck. I hope one day you can understand."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! A chance for Sam and Bucky. About time...


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this doesn't exactly fit with canon because Ward is dead by this point in the timeline, but I couldn't resist trying this combo out, so I'm picking up his story roughly around where he would've been at the beginning of season three, as the head of a small and unorganised HYDRA. Also, we've all seen Thor: Ragnarok since I wrote this, and it changes things a bit, but I plotted this whole story months ago, so I'm just gonna roll with what I've got. And please don't freak out when you start reading, the second half of this chapter is Sam and Bucky. Enjoy!

Midgard was a swarming infestation of weakness, indecision, and sickening sentimentality. A world screaming out for order and a firm hand. Loki was not the only one of this opinion and he had managed to access information on possible HYDRA agents who may still be active. The top of that list cited former SHIELD agent Grant Ward. A man who had murdered his own brother and Loki could certainly admire that. So it was with this individual that he had chosen to seek refuge.

Thor's ego and impatience had turned out to be gifts, to Loki at any rate. He was trying to do too much, thinking that he could both solve Asgard's problems and still spend time on his precious Earth among his newfound friends. Loki however, knew the value of patience and persistence. He had one goal in mind, and he had used his time in imprisonment to his advantage. He had turned his opportunity for study towards learning as much as he could about the devices that held him prisoner and when the time had been right he had used his knowledge to his advantage to escape. He knew he could only play one game at a time to play it well, and he had planned his strategy many moves in advance, setting his sights on a new world to rule.

He was thankful that Midgardians were so careless with their secrets and so inept in their use of their own technology. In this age of information sharing and global networking secrets had become a relic and finding out what he wanted to know wasn't too difficult.

His search had lead him to Hell's Kitchen, which sounded lovely. With confidence befitting of his superior race, Loki entered the seemingly abandoned building. Inside, as expected, he found makeshift headquarters for the new HYDRA and the current head was in attendance.

"My congratulations on your takedown of SHIELD, it was beautifully orchestrated. An admirable snake in the grass effort."

The HYDRA agent swivelled around at the sound of his voice, surprise momentarily flashing across his face when he recognised who he was in the presence of.

"I trust I need no introduction."

Obviously embarrassed that his lair had been infiltrated so easily, surprise turned to indignation. Such a tactic was also a good way to mask fear.

"I'm aware of your failures," Grant Ward bit back.

"A disgraced underling of Agent Coulson is hardly one to pass judgement."

"Why are you here? What do you want?"

"I've an offer to make. Cooperation could be to our mutual benefit. I need a place to hide and you, I think, are in need of a something that packs a punch."

Loki was impressed that his chosen co-conspirator did not immediately reject the offer, that would've been stupid and rash, neither of which he thought this person to be.

"I'm listening."

"Now that I have evaded my brother, the Avengers will come to his aid..."

"Maybe you missed the memo, but the Avengers aren't a team anymore."

"They are honourable, sentimental fools, they won't deny him. And with Steve Rogers lured out and at our mercy, his friend Barnes will follow."

"The Winter Soldier?" Ward questioned, his interest piqued.

"HYDRA's greatest asset, no? The means to build an empire should you desire one."

"It's an interesting idea..." Ward allowed, discreetly signalling to his men. Loki was no fool, he had anticipated that they may strive to steal this plot from him, but then he did not want to throw his lot in with someone who was too easily swayed.

Sensing their approach, he waited until they were positioned to strike before he dissolved the illusion and attacked them from behind, dispatching the threat with minimal effort. Subduing some, killing others, until he and Ward were the only ones left standing. It was child's play.

"Your men could do with some more training," Loki tutted. "They are as subtle as a herd of hungry bilgesnipe." Offended by the paltry effort, as if an Aesir could be so easily dispatched of, he lashed out, striking Ward across the face, sending him sprawling across the floor. Ward furiously swiped a hand across his bloody nose and looked set to get up swinging.

"Stay down," Loki ordered. "I haven't hurt you yet, but I may. It is a lesson to never underestimate me. If you cooperate you will find I can be quite agreeable. Do we understand each other?"

Ward glared up at him, anger and humiliation burning in his eyes before he finally consented with a nod. He was proud but not suicidal. He knew he was no match for a god. Submission really wasn't so much to ask for, not when he was offering the Midgardian a front row seat to the destruction of his greatest adversaries.

Loki did not need his new ally to hate or even fear him, the only requirement was for him to obey. He extended a hand, which was wisely accepted by the HYDRA agent. Loki helped him up. "See? Agreeable," he reiterated with a smile.

Back on his feet the man looked appropriately subdued. Now they could begin.

"United," Loki stated. "I think you and I can achieve much." And that was not a lie.

\---

Finally! Some peace. With the Avengers off avenging, Bucky had the place all to himself. It would be a relief, to just be him and his bowl of cereal. No not-so-covert glances, no one trying to make things better for him. No pity. For once, he was looking forward to breakfast, which was why he stopped dead in his tracks when he reached the kitchen door.

"Good morning," Sam grinned up at him. Seriously? Of all the people who could've decided to sit this one out. Why couldn't it have been Natalia? At least she didn't feel sorry for him.

Bucky glared but Sam just kept grinning. It was like he knew. Like he knew how much Bucky had been looking forward to the solitude, so he'd put himself right in the middle of it just to be as annoying as possible.

"What are you doing here?" he huffed.

"You know what I like most about you? It's your sunny disposition."

Bucky rolled his eyes.

"I'll eat elsewhere."

"But I already made you pancakes," Sam said, sliding the plate into view. There were indeed pancakes, topped with syrup and delicious looking fruit. Damn.

"Are those plums?"

"Could be. Guess you'll have to try it and find out."

Bucky shot Sam a suspicious look, how could he possibly know they were Bucky's favourites? But he was hungry and it would be a shame to let any food go to waste, so he took a seat and tucked in. And yeah, they were plums. Sweet, juicy, delicious plums...

"Should I leave you guys alone?" Sam laughed. Bucky ignored the comment, though he could feel Sam watching him, probably because he looked like a freak show trying to eat a short stack one-handed.

Sam continued to watch him, and Bucky could feel the question coming before Sam even opened his mouth.

"How's the new arm coming along? Steve said the Wakandans were going to look at it for you."

"It's not," Bucky said around a mouthful of food.

"They couldn't do it?"

"I never bothered to go see them. One arm or two, I can't see it making much difference at this point."

Sam took his time answering, gazing thoughtfully at Bucky while he formed a reply.

"You know, alotta guys feel the same when they get out. Civilian life can be hard to adjust back into, but with the right support you can do it."

"Puts me shit outta luck then. My 'support' decided banging his boyfriend was the better option. Guess I can't really blame him. The guy does have all his limbs after all."

"Steve's not the only one you can lean on."

Bucky sat his fork down and looked up at Sam.

"What would you know about it?"

"I served," Sam said, becoming a touch defensive.

"It's not really the same thing."

"We've all done things we're not proud of. In Washington, it was my job to help people deal with readjusting back into everyday life."

That explained a lot.

"Looking for a new project, huh?"

"No, but so what if I am? You need help and I'm here offering it."

"I don't need anything."

"That's your first hurdle right there."

"It's none of your business."

"Maybe not," Sam said. "But it could be. If you let it be. What have you got to lose?"

That was a fair point. Bucky didn't know what to say, kindness was the last thing he had expected.

"Look, just think about it. I don't think that's too much to ask in exchange for this awesome breakfast I've made you."

Amazingly that was it, Sam didn't press the point, he just got up and left Bucky to it.

Bucky stuck another forkful of pancake in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. Was Sam right? Could he get better? Could there be life after Steve? Did he even want to find out? He didn't know if he deserved anything good after everything he'd done. Should he let Sam help him? Could he trust him? He didn't know any of the answers. And just like that, Sam had found a whole new way to get under his skin.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously thought we were past this, but a bit more Thundershield snuck in...

Under the cover of darkness, they arrived at the address in Manhattan. Thor was there to greet them and as she'd known would happen, he and Steve immediately got wrapped up in each other, desperate kisses and declarations of undying love ensuing. They were hopeless. Nat didn't feel the need to be quite so grandiose in the declaration of her own feelings. She gave Wanda a subtle smile and waited for Thor and Steve to get themselves under control. To be fair though, Thor must've been on his last nerve in regard to Loki and in need of a little comfort. Clint, however, wasn't so patient or understanding.

"Okay, are we gonna come up with a plan or are you two gonna suck face all night?"

The 'face sucking' ceased but Steve still kept both arms wrapped firmly around Thor. For his part Thor looked like he might be willing to give a plan some consideration.

"Come," Thor offered. "I will introduce you all to our host." 

Steve managed to extricate himself far enough to walk beside Thor, but Nat noticed their hands remained firmly clasped.

Suddenly she felt like the floor had be whipped out from under her. One second they were in a hallway, the next they were in a library. It only took a moment for the nausea to pass.

Natasha knew a little about the man that was offering them refuge. He was a former neurosurgeon but had suffered a career ending injury. He was now in charge of this place, the Sanctum Sanctorum, a base for those who practiced the Mystic Arts and where mystic items could be stored securely. She'd also heard he had a sizeable ego, but then didn't most of the men in her life? It certainly wouldn't be anything unusual.

They found Stephen Strange with his nose buried in a book, some archaic looking thing. With their appearance, he folded it shut and turned to them with sharp blue eyes. He was clever, she could tell that immediately, and he wasn't going to suffer fools either. 

"I've told you not to do that," Thor complained.

"It saves time," the doctor dismissed.

"Midgardians and their obsession with time..."

"Not all of us have four millennia up our sleeves."

"This from a time-travelling wizard..."

"I could use the Eye? Try it again..."

Thor quickly shook his head. The corner of Strange's mouth quirked victoriously before he turned to them.

"And you must be the clean-up crew," he drawled, giving them all the once over. He was the master of this place and he wanted them to know it.

"The Avengers," Thor agreed, introducing them all by name.

Strange wasn't one for small talk, he was ready to get down to business which suited Nat just fine.

"If one of his own race couldn't contain him, what makes the rest of you think you can be of any use?"

"Only the fact that we've stopped an alien invasion before," Steve countered.

"There were more of you then, and I think this calls for a more subtle approach. No need to go tearing half of New York down again." 

"I don't remember seeing you at the battle," Steve bit back. 

Nat had to wonder if the doctor was being deliberately antagonistic, because if he was looking for a fight Steve would give him one. But fighting among themselves hadn't done them any good last time and she was keen to avoid it.

"Look," Nat said, putting her foot down on the pissing contest. "We're not here to argue or lay blame. We need to tidy this mess up as soon as possible. Loki's dangerous and the longer he's out there, the more damage he can do."

"So how do we find him?" Steve wondered. "It took two years to track Bucky down. In a city of eight million, he could be anywhere. And that's assuming he's still in New York." 

Nat was willing to bet he was, just because his ego wouldn't be able to deal with the fact that it had been taken from him once before. He would feel the need to remedy that. 

"He is. Somehow we need to lure him out, preferably in a way that means no innocent people get caught in the crossfire." More civilian casualties was the last thing they needed.

"Do we call Tony and Bruce in on this?" Clint asked.

Thor and Steve shared a look. This was Thor's barbecue, but Steve was the one who had issues with Tony.

"No," Steve decided. "Not unless we need them. The six of us should be able to handle it. He hasn't got an army backing him up this time."

"And he has not dealt with me before," Wanda pointed out. Admittedly Nat found the thought of Wanda coming face to face with Loki a little disconcerting. Not that she didn't have faith in Wanda, but Loki was cunning and ruthless and he would love a toy like Wanda to play with. Feeling protective, she shifted a little closer to Wanda. She knew they had to fight, but that didn't mean she had to like it.

"So," Nat prompted. "What's the plan?" 

\---

With the plan set and everyone settled, they had a small window of downtime while they waited to hear from Strange's source. When Thor found Steve standing by the window, gazing out across the Manhattan skyline, it wasn't hard to guess what he was thinking about. There was one very conspicuous tower in his line of sight. 

Thor didn't say anything, instead he stepped forward and slid his arms around Steve's waist, hoping to provide some comfort. With a sigh, Steve leaned back into his embrace, but Thor could sense that not all the tension had disappeared. He would have to see what he could do about that. He leaned down and kissed Steve's neck, but Steve didn't respond the way he expected.

"Thor, I have to tell you something."

Thor stilled, he did not want more ill news, especially not from the one person he truly needed.

"It's nothing bad," Steve assured him, turning in the circle of his arms to look him in the eye. "It's just something I want you to know. I don't want there to be any secrets between us."

Thor gave him a smile and lifted Steve's hand to his lips to show his belief in their bond. Whatever it was, it would be okay as long as they remained true to each other.

"I trust you."

Steve managed a wane smile for him.

"And that's why I'm telling you this now. When I was leaving, I went to say goodbye to Bucky..." The name immediately put Thor on edge. He had been willing to give Steve's childhood friend the benefit of the doubt, even considering their history because he knew how important it was to Steve. But when Steve had come to him sporting an injury caused by the same man, Thor's goodwill had evaporated. "He was sorry about this," Steve quickly pointed out, brushing his fingers over his jaw. "In fact, he asked me to stay. Then he kissed me and I let him. He needed that closure and it was all I had left to give him."

There was a time when Thor would've flown into an absolute rage over such a thing, but trials had wizened him, and over the past few years he had learned hard lessons about true pain and betrayal. Things were not so black and white as he'd once believed and he could not be angered that Steve was willing to go to such lengths to comfort a friend, albeit an undeserving one. He also appreciated the honesty. It took courage to admit such a thing so freely, and Thor was glad that Steve felt assured enough in their relationship to do so.

"You are too good."

For the first time since he'd walked into the room he felt that Steve had allowed himself to fully relax.

"I don't know about that."

"I do. He is blessed to have such a friend as you."

"I'm pretty sure he didn't see it that way, but it made me realise something, about how special what we have is. Not that I didn't know that already, but well, that kiss was for him. But when I kiss you, that's for me. You make me feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be."

"Like this?" Thor said, capturing Steve's mouth in a long, slow kiss.

This time Steve responded the way he hoped, melting into it, letting Thor take change, becoming pliant in his embrace and allowing himself to be maneuvered onto the bed.

Poised above Steve, Thor broke the kiss just to gaze down at the beauty beneath him.

Steve looked up into his eyes, the depth of his devotion reflected there. He reached up and touched Thor's cheek.

"I love you so much."

"And I you, my darling."

Thor meant to spend the rest of the night showing him just how much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor's reaction might be slightly OOC in this chapter, but it's just a fix-it for all the scenes in various TV shows/movies that bug the crap out of me, when someone gets smooched by a random and then gets all weird about telling their partner. I want Steve and Thor's relationship to be rock solid in this fic. And I promise the next chapter is Sam and Bucky. (And maybe a little bit of Shuri too.)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another rambling, pointless chapter. At least this one is about Sam and Bucky...

T'Challa was very busy now that the interim kingship had fallen to him. He had a lot on his plate with the fallout from the UN bombing and the upcoming coronation and possible challenge, but he had invited these people into his country, his home, as guests and they would be treated accordingly. He was also grateful for the role they had played in revealing his father's murderer. It was true that they hadn't got off to the best of starts, but they had all been deceived, and now, knowing the truth, it wasn't so difficult to sort the good guys from the bad ones. That was why when he encountered Sam Wilson, who was out for an early morning run, he stopped to see how he was doing. Sam came to halt, puffing from the exercise.

"How do you like my city?" the king asked.

"It's pretty flashy, I'll give you that."

"Our scientists and engineers are second to none." Shuri was the most brilliant scientific thinker he'd ever met, not that he would ever give his little sister the satisfaction of admitting that to her. Still, he knew how fortunate Wakanda was to have her.

"I don't doubt it. Actually, while we're on the subject, do you think they'd take a look at Bucky's arm? I know he had it arranged before and he didn't show, but I'm hoping that maybe that offer still stands?"

James Barnes had been used terribly and suffered like no other he had known. Yes, he wanted to help but Shuri hadn't been very pleased last time her time had been wasted.

"My people have already been inconvenienced by him. I am happy to help but we will not bend to his every whim. My sister can be quite formidable."

"Your sister?"

"Shuri is head of the Wakandan Design Group. If your friend gets his new arm, it will be her design. Perhaps you had best speak to her."

"Okay. Thanks," Sam accepted. "I'll do that."

"But be warned, my sister is not to be crossed."

\---

"Shuri?"

The Wakandan teenager looked up when she heard her name. In the doorway of the lab, was one of T'Challa's new friends. This man looked African, but he was definitely American. How exciting.

"Yes, that's me," she confirmed with a smile.

"I'm Sam Wilson. T'Challa said I should come talk to you about a tech problem I have."

He seemed kind of nervous which was odd. She wasn't that intimidating, was she? Shuri made the obvious leap.

"What did my ridiculous big brother tell you about me?"

"Umm, he might've mentioned that you didn't like being jerked around."

"Oh," she said, realising what this was about. It was true that she'd been disappointed about losing the opportunity, but she wasn't angry. "You're here about the soldier with the missing arm."

"Yeah. Bucky's not really being proactive about his recovery at the moment. I'm trying to get the ball rolling for him."

"Don't listen to my brother, he tends to be overly dramatic. I'm more than happy to help. I was just bummed I missed a chance to study some outside tech. We don't see many foreigners here."

With her friendly and honest approach, Sam Wilson relaxed a little.

"So you're still interested in taking a look?"

"Of course. Cybernetics is fascinating."

"I'll have to take your word for that," he said with a smile.

Shuri checked her watch.

"My schedule's pretty full today but if you could back here in an hour, I could make an assessment. Otherwise it might be a while."

"Okay, great. Thanks," Sam accepted. "I'll make sure he shows this time."

"I'm looking forward to it," she smiled. A chance to hang out with real life Americans. It was an opportunity she couldn't miss.

\---

"Up and at 'em, sunshine!" Sam chimed, whipping the curtain open to let in the bright African sun.

"No," Bucky groaned, pulling the sheet up over his head.

"Yes!" Sam argued cheerfully, pulling the sheet back. "You've got somewhere to be."

Bucky cracked an eye open and glared suspiciously at his tormentor.

"Your specialty was torture, wasn't it?"

"Oh man," Sam laughed. "I haven't even begun."

"Leave me alone," Bucky complained, trying to pull the sheet back up to shield his eyes from the harsh light.

"No can do. We have an appointment. Come on, get dressed." Sam emphasized his point by hurling a shirt at Bucky's face. "We can get breakfast after."

"Plum pancakes?" Bucky asked hopefully.

"It's a possibility if you cooperate."

"Fine," Bucky huffed, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, struggling to pull the shirt on with one hand in his half-asleep state. Automatically Sam reached out and pulled it down for him. An awkward silence fell between them for a moment, before Bucky cleared his throat.

"So where are we going that can't possibly wait?"

"To see about your arm."

Bucky's hackles instantly went up.

"I never agreed to that."

"You were gonna go before. Look, I promised you wouldn't muck them around again."

"What? You don't speak for me. I spent too long with other people making decisions for me, I don't have to follow orders anymore."

"It's not an order, I'm just a friend trying to help you out."

Sam wasn't his friend, Bucky knew that for one very simple reason.

"I don't have any friends."

"Cut the self-pitying crap. This is a matter of practicality. You need two arms, and these people can give that to you. Why fight it?"

Wasn't it obvious?

"Because you didn't ask."

Sam seemed to realise his error immediately and backed down.

"Okay, I admit I should have. I'm sorry. The opportunity just came up. I'm only trying to help."

Bucky was sick of other people telling him what was best for him.

"I told you before, I don't need it!"

"Fine!" Sam snapped. "I'll cancel it you prickly bastard! I'll go tell the king of Wakanda and his sister that we've got better things to do!"

In the face of Sam's ire the weirdest feeling came over Bucky and suddenly he was laughing. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had cause to do so.

Sam looked understandably mystified and Bucky couldn't explain so he even didn't bother trying. Instead he gave Sam a shove towards the door. It was organised now, so they may as well go.

"Get out while I finish changing, then we'll go see what these Wakandans can do."

\---

They walked side by side towards the lab in silence, Sam stealing glances at Bucky every now and then. Sam knew he'd messed up, it was stupid of him not to talk to Bucky first, but sometimes when the trauma was still fresh, soldiers didn't have the presence of mind to know what was good for them. He'd thought if he could start on the physical things, get Bucky feeling more like himself on the outside, then he'd begin to feel more settled on the inside. It gave him a sense of control too. With his own life so messed up, he could at least help someone else start to get back on track. But it had been presumptuous and ignorant, and he was learning pretty quickly that using their mutual dislike of each other was going to be the best way to get Bucky to open up.

"You know, your hair is a total mess."

Bucky threw him an indignant look.

"I'd like to see you tie it back one-handed."

"You could've at least brushed it."

"No one is looking at my hair."

Well obviously that wasn't true, but it wasn't important. What mattered was that Bucky was talking.

"Do you know how the arm worked?"

"Enough to do minor field repairs."

"I'm sure these guys will be able to figure it out. Technology here is pretty sophisticated. It's miles ahead of anything back home."

"So one crappy arm should be no big deal for them, right?"

Sam stopped and frowned at Bucky. Apparently his good mood could disappear as quickly as it appeared. Sam tried to be more patient, mood swings were a symptom of PTSD, he knew that.

"I didn't mean it like that. Not everything is a fight."

"Isn't it?"

"Not unless you want it to be."

"Why would I want that?"

"You tell me," Sam threw back. "You're the one that turns everything into an argument." He had Bucky there, because he couldn't argue without proving Sam right. And Bucky knew it too. His solution was to not say another word the rest of the way to the lab.

\---

"Okay Sargent Barnes," Shuri said with a sparkle in her eye, as she began to unfasten his sling. "Let's take a look at this."

Bucky sat on an examination table, usual scowl firmly in place.

"It's Bucky."

"Okay Bucky. Let's see..."

Sam wasn't exactly sure why he needed to be here. Maybe to tackle Bucky if he tried to run off? Or maybe to act as a referee? Certainly not because Bucky wanted it to be so.

"Wow this is some dated tech," the Wakandan princess commented as she poked and prodded. "I'm sure we can do much better than this. Who did you say designed this?"

Sam had to refrain from visibly cringing. Too many comments and questions like that, and Bucky was going to snap it. He thought it'd be better to focus on the positive.

"How long do you think it will take to build a new one?"

"We already have all the components we need. I could have it ready in a few days."

"That soon?" Sam hadn't expected results so quickly.

"It's just an artificial arm, right?" she shrugged, wrapping Bucky's shoulder back up. "I've already been playing with some ideas."

"Don't you need to measure him or something?" Sam asked.

"The scans are running as we speak. So, have either of you ever been to Disneyland?"

"Umm..." Sam hesitated, partially thrown by the strange question and also distracted by the way it made Bucky tense up. Shit. Sam shook his head at her, he knew she was only trying to be friendly, but the smallest things set Bucky off. It was impossible to predict what those things would be.

"We done here?" Bucky said coldly, sliding off the table and walking away, leaving Sam and Shuri to wonder what exactly they'd done wrong.

"White boys..." she sighed. "Am I right?"

"That they've all got massive sticks up their asses?" Sam offered.

"No," she laughed. "Well maybe. But I mean they've got a bit of something-something going on, don't they? Those blue eyes... He might be the prettiest boy I've ever seen."

Okay, that was not the direction he was expecting her to go with that, but admittedly, she did have a point. Looks weren't everything though.

"You just need to spend a little more time with him, that'll cure you of any attraction."

"He's a difficult one?"

"You have no idea. His moods range from surly to cranky and occasionally to really pissed off."

She gave him a considerate look.

"Then you're not taking advantage of everything we have to offer. Wakanda is an incredible place. Yes, our technology is very advanced, but we have natural wonders too. You can't sit in the shadow of our mountains, wander our golden fields or watch a Wakandan sunset and not find some sort of peace in it. If you really want to help him, make sure he sees those things."

Being a city boy, Sam had never really considered any of that. He thought help would come from people, not places. Shuri wasn't just clever, she was wise too.

"Thanks. I will."

"And if you want an ally in the field, I'd be happy to tag along," she added with a sly smile, obviously thinking about a different kind of view. He knew it wasn't just that though, he believed she genuinely wanted to help.

"I'll keep that in mind. First things, first though. Know any good pancake places around here?"

\---

"That's good news, huh?" Sam offered when he caught up to Bucky.

"I guess," Bucky shrugged. Having a new arm would definitely make things physically easier, but it wasn't going to fix all his problems. It might get Sam off his case though and that was a good thing.

Sam frowned, obviously frustrated that Bucky wasn't more enthused, but he didn't comment on Bucky's apparent lack of interest.

"Hey, wanna go get those pancakes now?" he suggested instead. "We can talk, if you want."

"About what?"

"Whatever set you off in there..." Sam ventured. So he'd noticed that. The last thing Bucky wanted to do was talk about it. It was stupid anyway, Disneyland was for kids. Didn't matter that Steve had been obsessed with Disney, didn't matter that they'd have been there opening day if life had worked out the way it was supposed to. It didn't matter that he could already see the way Steve's face would light up as they walked through the gates in a reality that would never exist.

Bucky didn't know what was worse, Sam giving him a hard time or treating him like a child. The latter probably, because at least when Sam was pissed off, Bucky could just fight back. With Sam trying to be nice to him, he had no avenue for retaliation. Unless of course he chucked a tantrum, that could work.

"Don't you have better things to do?" he snapped. "I don't need a babysitter."

"I never said you did," Sam bit back. Ah there it was, a spark of anger. Much better.

"Stop treating me like a kid then."

"I will when you stop acting like one. So you didn't get what you wanted, people rarely do. Doesn't mean you can be a jerk for the rest of your life."

"Not being okay with the fact that the person I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with ran off with someone else makes me a jerk, does it? Some counsellor you are."

"Oh no, we are not turning this around to be about me."

"Well I'm sick of talking about me, so I guess there isn't really much left to say, is there?"

"Guess not," Sam backed down which wasn't what Bucky wanted at all. He wanted someone to be angry at him, someone he could take his own anger out on. He wanted a fight. He couldn't admit that though.

"Good," he said instead, fixing to leave. He was much better when he was alone these days anyway. It was easier that way. "And don't follow me."

"Where are you gonna go?" Sam called after him.

"Anywhere I damn well want!" It was the only answer he could come up with. It was an empty victory though because in reality, not belonging anywhere and meant he had no place to go.

\---

Sam counted to ten and reminded himself that he'd known this wouldn't be easy. It didn't matter which way he turned, Bucky wasn't having a bar of it. Being tough didn't work, being nice didn't work either. And it was harder still because he was out of his own comfort zone here. He missed home, he missed Steve, and he missed being a law-abiding citizen.

He knew he needed to keep his own head on straight if he was gonna be able to help Bucky and right now that meant getting his own stress level under control. Bucky had a knack for getting his temper to rise.

He headed back to the house and put 'Trouble Man' on to play through the speakers in the kitchen.

It was like magic the way the tension immediately started to drain away. He began pulling ingredients out of the cupboard. Just because Bucky didn't want any breakfast, or brunch, or whatever the hell meal they were up to, didn't mean Sam had to starve to death.

As the smooth sounds of saxophones, soft drums and the piano washed over him, he mixed some pancake batter and put some bacon on to cook. He was going to douse the whole damn lot in maple-flavoured syrup and void that early morning run.

After this morning's performance, he wanted to dismiss Bucky altogether, but something in him wouldn't let him do that. So even though he didn't want to, he chopped up some plums and set them on the stove to simmer.

\---

Okay, maybe he was being a jerk. It had only taken him fifteen blocks of aimless wandering to admit that, which Sam the Shrink would probably deem as excellent progress.

Sam. Lately everything seemed to come back to him. Bucky wasn't exactly sure what to think of him. He said he only wanted to help, and he probably did because he was a good person, but that's what made it hard to believe too, because Bucky knew he didn't deserve it. He could never make up for all that he'd done. Whatever Steve, and now Sam, wanted to believe, he had done irreparable, unforgivable things. Helping him was a lost cause. Sam on the other hand, his life wasn't destroyed just yet.

Bucky sighed, he should probably go back. Sam was probably freaking out by now. Besides, it was the only place he knew.

When he entered the house, the first thing he heard was music. He followed the sound to the kitchen, where he found Sam tucking into some pancakes. Pancakes with maple syrup, not plums... For a moment, a stupid and irrational moment, he felt put out that Sam hadn't waited for him. It was ridiculous for a couple of reasons, not the least of which was that he didn't want Sam to give a crap about him. Why then, did he feel so disappointed?

"Plums are on the stove..." Sam said, without even looking up, as though he'd read Bucky's mind.

Disappointment dissolving, Bucky grabbed a plate, a couple of pancakes, and spooned some hot plum syrup on top. Of course he had to do it all one-handed, and then when he was done he took a seat opposite Sam at the table. Sam still didn't look up at him. Bucky didn't know what to make of it. He wasn't used to Sam not having something to say.

"What's this music?" he asked, just so Sam would engage with him.

"Just shut up and listen."

That was almost like the Sam he'd first met talking to him, before he'd got all caught up on trying to help him. Bucky preferred it, so he didn't argue.

He stuck some pancake in his mouth and tried to pay attention to the song. As the melodies filled his consciousness, he felt himself unwinding. It wasn't like listening to music, it was more like existing in the same space as it. It wasn't exactly like anything he'd heard before. On the rare occasion that he listened to music, he preferred foreign metal bands, songs that were so chaotic nothing else could exist in his head. But this was better, it didn't hide the pain and confusion, it soothed it. When the song ended, Sam finally turned his attention towards Bucky.

"Smooth as silk, right?"

"Yeah," Bucky had to admit. "Normally I can't focus, but that's... cool."

Sam gave him an approving look, as though he knew exactly what Bucky meant.

"How are the plums?"

"Good," Bucky said, remembering the food and cutting another piece off with the side of his fork. Admittedly, it would be good to have two hands. He was reminded of that again when his hair fell forward and he had to sit his fork down to tuck it back unless he wanted syrup all through it. Of course Sam didn't miss the gesture.

"Want me to tie that back for you?"

"It's okay," Bucky dismissed, more from embarrassment than anything else. He was a grown man, he shouldn't need help with something so simple.

"Suit yourself," Sam shrugged, focusing on his food again rather than push the point. It was weird. Since this morning, the vibe had totally changed between them. And it bothered Bucky a lot more than it should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, Infinity War. I feel like I need to give these boys a happy ending more than ever now...


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is something better than nothing? Guess we're about to find out...

_He tried to move but he was strapped down. He didn't know where he was. He could smell blood and disinfectant. There were doctors with masks over their faces. They spoke in harsh, accented voices._

_"The bone is splintered," one hissed. "Make it a clean cut."_

_"He's still awake," another nervously replied._

_"I can't help it if the drugs don't work properly. Do it now!"_

_He heard the bone saw start, tried again to break the bonds that held him down, but he felt weak and foggy. He couldn't get away._

_Then they were lowering the saw, he couldn't believe they would really do it, not when he was still conscious. Then he felt the metal blade bite into his arm. It was the most painful thing he'd ever experienced, and he screamed until he wanted to pass out. But no one was listening..._

\---

It was the sound of screaming that woke him. Instantly he knew it was Bucky. Sam jumped out of bed and headed for his room.

Nat had taken point last time, she'd been used in a similar way to Bucky, it made sense that she would understand. But Nat wasn't here now, so it was all up to him.

When he opened the door and saw Bucky's wide eyes and heaving chest, he didn't think too much about his own safety, he just went to the super soldier to see if he could help.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. Whatever it was, it's gone now. It was just a dream."

Bucky shook his head and grabbed the stump of his left arm.

"Not just a dream, not just a dream..."

"A memory then," Sam allowed. "It can't hurt you now." He'd suffered plenty of nightmares of his own to know both how true and untrue that statement was. Physically there was no threat, but mentally the pain was very real.

He wanted to reach out and touch Bucky. Brush the hair from his face, lay a hand on his back so he knew he wasn't alone. But he didn't. He didn't want Bucky to freak out and push him away.

"Listen," he said instead, trying to sound as upbeat as he could. "Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna take a day, get out of this house, do something normal. Something nice. What do you say?"

It took Bucky a few seconds more to get his breathing back under control and then he looked up at Sam, fixing those incredible blue eyes on him, desperately needing something good to hold onto.

"Like what?"

"Anything you want. Something we can file away as a good memory. I hear Wakanda's got some pretty incredible scenery. Forests, plains, mountains..."

"Nowhere with snow."

"Okay," Sam allowed, glad that Bucky had agreed in any capacity. "We'll make sure we go somewhere warm."

\---

In the clear light of day, Sam wondered if they'd follow through on their plan for the day. Things said in the night, when walls were down, tended to dissolve once the sun rose. Still, he prepared for the day as though they would and was pleasantly surprised to find Bucky already up and dressed when he went to check on him. He was losing the battle with his hair though.

"Want me to..." Sam offered, stepping forward and gesturing towards the tangled mess, hoping as always that he wasn't stepping on some invisible trigger. When Bucky didn't argue he figured that was as close to a yes as he was gonna get.

It was only after he'd offered that he realised he didn't exactly know how to do this. Well he just had to go for it now.

He slid his hand under Bucky's hair to bunch it up, but it still looked totally messy.

"Here," Bucky said, handing him a brush.

"Thanks," Sam accepted. He ran the brush carefully over Bucky's hair, working out all the tangles. Once he had it all tidied up and in place he realised he had nothing to tie it with. Wow, this really was tough. He let the gathered hair go.

"I have no idea what I'm doing," he finally admitted, looking up to gauge Bucky's reaction. Their eyes connected in the mirror, a sparkling smile on Bucky's face. And damn, it hit Sam like a ton of bricks. His heart skipped a beat like it hadn't in years. That smile was everything and he knew he would do whatever he could to keep it on Bucky's face.

"Okay, we're done," he said quickly, stepping back and turning away to get a grip. He couldn't go down this path, it was the last thing Bucky needed right now and would make Sam's task of helping him that much harder.

\---

They caught one of the floating trains to the edge of the city. Bucky didn't exactly like it, but he dealt with it. This wasn't Europe in the 1940's, it was Wakanda in 2016. The two places couldn't be more different.

Off the train on solid ground, he felt better. The fresh air and sunshine felt good. Maybe Sam had actually come up with a good idea this time. It was hard to stay mad at the world when it looked like this.

He gazed across the vast fields, glowing gold in the bright sunshine. Down the way was a village of mud huts, so they headed towards it. He got a few curious looks from the people they passed along the road, but the looks were accompanied by wide smiles, and he supposed with Wakanda's tight boarder policies he was probably the first white man a lot of these people had seen so he tried not to be too self-conscious about it.

They spent the morning wandering around, taking in the sights, chatting to a few locals about life. Well Sam chatted while Bucky listened. What he learned was that these people lived simple lives, and he could certainly see the appeal of that. Out here he could feel his anger evaporating, and it was nice to get out of his own head for a while.

At one point they were stopped at a street food vendor getting some bhajia, when he felt something hit his leg. He looked down to see a feisty baby goat, lining him up for another headbutt. It was so tiny, but it had big attitude. It reminded him of someone and he laughed, leaning down to scoop the kid up. It was easily small enough to cradle in one arm.

"What's your problem?" he asked the little grey goat, which just stared back at him with unblinking, yellow eyes. For a second he thought it might headbutt him again, but then it stretched its head forward and nuzzled him instead. He liked the feel of its velvety nose on his cheek, so he didn't stop it, even when it decided to have a chew on his hair.

"Gross," Sam said, though Bucky couldn't help but notice the statement lacked conviction, or the fact that Sam had half a smile on his face. "You don't know where that goat's been."

"Doesn't matter," Bucky countered, brushing his nose against the soft fur of its neck before setting it back down on the ground again. "I can't get sick."

"That doesn't mean you don't still have goat slobber in your hair," Sam pointed out, handing him his share of the bhajia.

"You worry about my hair too much."

Sam didn't say another word on the matter.

They ate their spicy battered potatoes and continued to explore, looking for a spot one of the locals had told them about. They found it when Bucky caught a glimpse of sparkling water through the trees.

"There," he said, pointing towards the lake, which was supposed to be the deepest one in Wakanda. They found a good spot and sat on the lake shore, gazing out over the tranquil scene.

Sitting here, looking out over the vast lake, and up at the towering mountains that surrounded it, he felt small and insignificant. It wasn't necessarily a bad feeling, but in a way it put things in perspective. The Winter Soldier, he was different, he'd done things that had changed the course of the world, but Bucky Barnes, what did he really matter? If he dissolved out of existence tomorrow, who would care? Maybe he needed to get over himself.

He looked over at Sam who was sitting patiently by his side. He had stayed in Wakanda because he was no match for Loki, and because he was a fugitive, but Sam didn't have to waste his time on trying to help him. Sam did that because he was a good guy. Certainly a better one than Bucky. Maybe it was time to acknowledge that.

"I'm sorry," Bucky offered.

"What?" The fact that Sam was so shocked by the apology was another indication of how awful and self-absorbed Bucky had been. He didn't want to be this angry, difficult person but it was hard to keep his emotions in check when every other part of his life felt so out of control. He had nothing solid to hold on to but that wasn't Sam's fault.

"You don't deserve to be treated the way I've treated you."

"It's okay," Sam instantly dismissed, because despite the fact that they clashed sometimes, Sam seemed to genuinely want what was best for him.

"No it's not," Bucky insisted. "Neither of us wanted to end up stuck here. I've made it harder for you than it needs to be and I'm sorry for it."

\---

Sam was struck speechless. Shuri really was a genius. But he needed to say something, Bucky was actually opening up to him, he appreciated that and had to acknowledge it.

"Thanks. I get that it's been tough for you too. I don't blame you. I guess I just get frustrated sometimes because you won't let me help you."

"To be fair, I don't actually know you. We got thrown together because we have, we had, a friend in common."

"Steve still cares about you."

"I don't want to talk about him."

"Fair enough. But if you wanted to, we could. I'm here whenever you want to talk, whatever it's about."

"I know," Bucky allowed. "I've been such a jerk."

"You had your reasons. And maybe, I was a little bit of a jerk too."

"A little bit?" Bucky teased, turning a smile on him which caused the feeling from earlier to resurface. Of course he wanted Bucky to be happy, Sam didn't like seeing anyone suffer, but it was more than that. He wasn't in love, that was ridiculous, but he knew he might be if he let it grow. He'd been in love before, knew how wonderful and terrible it could be. He also knew it was not what Bucky needed. It would be a long time before he knew his own mind, let alone thought about bringing another person into the equation. Anyway, Bucky was right, they didn't really know each other. But now that Bucky was talking to him, maybe they could change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A breakthrough! Don't know if the timing is right, but I couldn't torture Bucky anymore. Thanks for reading.


End file.
